Creed: That's from me.
Jim: Great. Where did you get it?
Creed: I don't know. It was so long ago.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: He obviously forgot to get me something, and then he went into his closet and dug out this little number and then threw it in a bag.
[to camera:]
Creed: Yep. That's exactly what happened.

Michael Scott: This is Creed. And he is in charge of something. Right?
Creed: That is correct.
Michael Scott: Say hi to the kids.
Creed: Hi, kids. Have you ever seen a foot with four toes?
Michael Scott: What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it! Just- No, no, no, no, no! Would you cut it out? What is your problem?
Creed: The hair covers it up mostly.
Michael Scott: No, no, no, we're not gonna see the four-toed Creed, okay?

Creed: It's a real shame about Ed, huh?
Michael Scott: Yeah. Must really have you thinking.
Creed: About what?
Michael Scott: The older you get, the bigger the chance is you're gonna die. You knew that.
Creed: Ed was decapitated.
Michael Scott: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: Really?
Creed: He was drunk as a skunk, he was flying down Route 6, he slides under an eighteen-wheeler, pop, it snaps right off.
Michael Scott: Oh, my God.
Dwight K. Schrute: That is the way to go. Instant death, very smart.
Creed: You know, a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated.
Dwight K. Schrute: You're thinking of a chicken.
Creed: What did I say?

Phyllis: Does it hurt terribly?
Meredith: No, it's not too bad. They have me on a lot of painkillers.
Creed: Oh, really? What kind, codeine? Vicodin? Percocet? Fentanyl? Oxycontin? Palladone?
Meredith: I have no idea.

Erin: Gabe!
Gabe: I need to talk to you.
Erin: You can't be in here. This is a ladies' bathroom.
Gabe: No, Erin, I respect your privacy, but I will follow you in here every time you go if that's what it takes.
Erin: Hey, Creed.
Creed: Not cool, man.

Creed: Do I love being manager?... I love my kids. I love real estate. I love ceramics. I love my job. I-I love wrestling.

Stanley: No. I want Tropical Christmas.
Meredith: Topless Christmas.
Creed: Tapas Swiss Miss.
[aside to camera:]
Creed: Spanish tapas, and Swiss Miss Hot cocoa. What's so hard to understand?

Creed: I couldn't care less about nepotism. But I'm loving the debate. Great minds battling it out. And I've got a front-row seat.

Creed: Oh, I steal things all the time. It's just something I do. I stopped caring a long time ago. You should see how many supplies I've taken from this place. Honestly, I love stealing things.

Creed: I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine that I swiped from the sheriff's station.