Michael Scott: How would that help, Creed? In Monopoly, you go bankrupt, you lose.
Creed: You don't go by Monopoly, man. That game is nuts. Nobody just picks up "Get out of jail free" cards. Those things cost thousands.
Michael Scott: That is a good point.
Creed: Bankruptcy, Michael, is nature's do-over. It's a fresh start. It's a clean slate.
Michael Scott: Like the witness protection program.
Creed: Exactly.
Oscar: Not at all!

Andy: Creed's head of quality assurance. So he'd definitely be wrapped up in this.
[separately to camera:]
Creed: So there I am, minding my own business and Darnell offers me three bucks. All I gotta do is walk by Andy and go like this. [draws finger across neck] Darnell's a chump. I would have done it for anything. I've done a lot more for a lot less.

Meredith: Yeah, and somebody had the balls to put my phone number on the men's room wall. Which is so messed up. It's 6782 not 83.
Creed: Uh, 6783's also a good time. Less mileage.

Creed: I think just about anybody could be a star. My postman, the night janitor here, but Andy? No, definitely not. Charisma black hole.

Creed: It's a beautiful morning at Dunder-Mifflin, or as I like to call it, Great Bratton. [tosses keys to a non-existent valet] Keep it running.

Pete: I didn't realize that everybody here dresses up every year.
Creed: Me neither.
[aside to camera:]
Creed: [covered in blood] It's Halloween. That is really, really good timing.

Pam: [on the phone] Oh, great! Yeah, um, I'll get right back to you. [hangs up] Hey, guys. Anyone ever heard of Iris Black on the radio?
Creed: Yeah, she hosts the Dr. Laura Show.
Pam: Nope, that's Dr. Laura.

Creed: It all seems so very arbitrary. I applied for a job at this company because they were hiring. I took a desk at the back because it was empty. But...[chuckles] no matter how you get there or where you end up, human beings have this miraculous gift to make that place home. [to the two cops by his side] Let's do this.

Creed: The pleasure is all mine.
Holly: Oh, thanks. I'm really looking forward to sitting down with you and finding out more about what you do here.
Creed: Any time.
Holly: What do you do here?
Creed: Excuse me.
[aside to camera:]
Creed: What is wrong with this woman? She's asking about stuff that's nobody's business. What do I do? Really, what do I do here? I should have written it down. "Qua" something. Qua Quar Quibo Qual Quir Quabity. Quabity assuance. No. No, no, no, no. But I'm getting close.

Michael Scott: Someone complained that the men's room is whites only. Stanley, you know that's not true.
Stanley: I didn't say that.
Creed: Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door.