Angela: I asked for assorted cutlery, and I got back spoons. These are worthless.
Phyllis: I want to understand what you're saying, but it's difficult for me when you use that tone.
Angela: Phyllis, these are spoons. Spoons have round tops and are used to scoop things. What we need are forks which have prongs or tiny spears on top. And we need knives which have blades. Do you understand me now?
Phyllis: Yes.
Angela: Goody.

Phyllis: Well, I'm setting Michael up with my fat friend anyway. He can just deal with it.

Michael Scott: No anti-gravity machine, huh?
Phyllis: Sorry, Michael. I don't think they're real.
Michael Scott: The ferris wheel is pretty cool, though.

Phyllis: Angela, you're going to move this for the party, right? It's not on theme.
Angela: It's the Nativity scene.
Phyllis: All right. You can keep your camel, sheep, elephant. And the North African king can stay. Everything else goes in the drawer.

Phyllis: Angela just does what I ask her to do so I won't tell everyone that she's cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to be a formal letter.

Phyllis: It is so nice to go out with another couple.
Pam: Anything to get out of that office.
Phyllis: I know.
Bob Vance: I honestly don't know how you can work with that jackass, that other jackass, and that new jackass.
Phyllis: He's talking about Michael, Dwight, and Andy.
Jim: Oh yeah, I understood.

Pam: Okay, for the record, I am pregnant and, obviously there has been some kind of a mistake, so why doesn't Jim just pick the next highest score on the list and we'll move on.
Phyllis: That's fair.
Dwight K. Schrute: Excellent idea, Pam.
Pam: Thank you.
Andy: That would be employee number three, which is.. Son of a bitch, Pam Halpert.
Phyllis: How is that possible? No offense, Pam, but how the hell is that possible?

Phyllis: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas boys and girls! It's me, Santa Claus!
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey Santa!
Oscar: They finally let you do it!
Phyllis: Yeah!
Kevin: Congrats Phil!
Erin: It's so edgy!
[aside to camera:]
Phyllis: I have been wanting to be Santa for years. I believe I have the right temperament, and the figure to do the job well. I slipped a note to Jim eleven weeks ago, and he said I could do it. [laughs] Oh, it's been a long journey, but [sniffles] I'm Santa Claus!

Phyllis: Yeah, I love going to bars with Bob. I tend to wear something low-cut, get men to flirt with me, and Bob beats 'em up. What?

Phyllis: Look, Michael, it's a going-away present so your hands won't get cold. It's almost done, but you can't get them wet, and they can't be dry-cleaned either. You have to hand wash without water, wring dry gently, and use a hair dryer on cool.
Michael Scott: Sounds great. I just think it's great.