Erin: Did you hear anything?
Phyllis: Oh, I'm sure they'll let us know when they get the results.
[together, to camera:]
Phyllis: It turns out that Erin was born in the basic time and region that I gave away a child.
Erin: So, Phyllis might be my mom. I mean, the chances are tiny, but...
Phyllis: But... Yeah. Probably not, I mean, it was a big year for babies. Porky's had come out.
Erin: Yeah. I'm sure I was just another Porky's baby.
Phyllis: Mm.
Erin: But why not find out.
Phyllis: Yeah.

Phyllis: I don't think we should tell her. Angela went a whole day without telling me I had lettuce in my teeth. Screw her.

Phyllis: I can't believe he's making us throw a party for her.
Pam: I know, right?
Oscar: She's always late, she's always rude...
Phyllis: It kinda makes me want to throw a really bad party.
Oscar: Yeah.
Phyllis: On purpose.
Pam: Phyllis!
Angela: [laughs] We should do it right here in the break room. [they giggle]
Phyllis: Order carrot cake. [laughter]

Jim: You know, at the end of the day, it's really only two days. I mean, I'll be back in the office. If you need me for an emergency, call me. I'll be there...
Phyllis: You know what? I don't know where the years went. ‘Cause sometimes when I look at my hands, I don't even recognize them.
Jim: Tell me about it.
Phyllis: Whose hands are these? [holding out her hands to Jim] They're not my hands. I don't know.

Phyllis: Oh, Jim Carrey just walked in. Dwight, get his autograph for Michael-
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim Carrey did not just walk in, okay?

Jim: Well, we're here. Perfect. [covers sleeping Phyllis with his jacket]
Phyllis: We're gonna cover for you, you know.
Stanley: [chuckles]
Jim: Phyllis, what was that? Phyllis are you dreaming, or-
Stanley: [laughing] I did enjoy grinding your beans, son.
Phyllis: [laughing] Yeah, we really did peel your grapes.
Jim: This is hilarious, but we're gonna stop with all the-
Stanley: Shuckin' your peas.
Jim: Shuckin' the peas. You should go back to the first part, though. You are gonna cover for me?
Stanley: Yeah.
Phyllis: Of course we are, Jimmy. We love you guys.
Jim: Oh, my God, thank you. [hugging both] Thank you.

Phyllis: Okay, I'm collecting for the baby shower.
Kevin: But Phyllis, it's not his baby.
Phyllis: I know, Kevin.
Oscar: Why do we have to pay money to get a gift for his ex-girlfriend's unborn sperm bank baby?
Phyllis: Look at it as if you're paying for the cake, not the baby. Sheet cake.

Stanley: If your hat hits me in the face one more time-
Phyllis: That's funny. Your wife loved this hat the last time she saw it. [glares at Stanley's date]

Phyllis: This is ridiculous. We just can't wait here.
Michael Scott: I think it's going to be any minute now.
Phyllis: But you don't know that. I mean, we could be here another half an hour.
Michael Scott: Phyllis, what could you possibly have to do?
Phyllis: I have an ice cream cake in the car.
Michael Scott: Oh, my God. Go, go, go! Are you insane?

Phyllis: I wonder what people like about me. Probably my jugs.