Andy: What's going on?
Gabe: Are you still in love with Erin?
Andy: What?
Gabe: Because I am. I need to get her back. [crying] I can't be alone anymore. Andy, do you like being alone with me right now?
Andy: No, this is horrifying.
Gabe: No. I don't like being alone with me either, okay? I have to get her back. Are you still gonna date her?
Andy: We're just friends, okay?
Gabe: Do you promise that?
Andy: Yeah, fine, I promise. We'll never date again. Can we go outside now?
Gabe: No, just give me a second. I don't want anyone to know I've been crying.

Jo: Who's this fella? Went to Cornell. What's wrong with him?
Gabe: How much time do you have? Sales ability? None. Integrity? See sales ability. [makes a "zero" hand gesture]
Jo: And that's your unbiased opinion.
Gabe: Yes, it is.
Jo: So it's not relevant that he took the receptionist away from you?
Gabe: Oh, Jo. Jo, I'm disappointed in you. Some people let personal things into the workpl- Is she with him? Because I thought that she was...
Jo: Gabe! Ugh. You got all close to these people. Got involved in their lives. Let's get you back to Florida. We'll figure out something for you.
Gabe: That sounds like a promotion.
Jo: It's not.

Gabe: Yeah, it seems like there isn't a narrative. Maybe the filmmaker realized that even narrative is comforting.

Pam: [imitating Cookie Monster] "Hey, Erin, You look delicious. I mean, beautiful."
Gabe: Okay. Okay. There, I heard that. So I'm sorry, Pam, but that's it. I'm going to have to suspend you without pay for two days.
Pam: What? What do you mean, suspend me?
Jim: I think you need to go a little easy. You can't just suspend someone form work.
Gabe: Yeah, you're right. You know what? Um, you're suspended too, Jim. [Dwight starts to clap] Okay, fine. You too, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait, What? I was just slow-clapping your no-nonsense decision-making.
Gabe: I don't want to hear it. Suspended.
Kevin: "C" is for suspension.

Gabe: That was ugly. I'm sorry you had to see that.
Kelly: Well, do they still get paid?
Gabe: It's tacky to discuss finances. It's best to pretend that this never happened.
Oscar: Sounds like they just got to go home with pay.
Meredith: Yeah, it's pathetic.
Gabe: Can I buy everyone coffees? [everyone shakes their head] [in Cookie Monster voice] "Or cookies."

Gabe: Everyone, it is my pleasure to announce our newest member of the Sabre minority executive training program. Kelly Rajanigandha Kapoor. All right.
[aside to camera:]
Gabe: They're going to be pretty pleased in Tallahassee that I snagged an Indian for the program. She'll be the first. The program's mostly black. It's almost too black. That didn't sound right.

Creed: I'm very relieved to learn it wasn't you.
Gabe: All right. Uh, Stan, you're up.
Stanley: It wasn't me.
Gabe: What a rich timbre your voice has. Okay, I am prepared to conclude the investigation.
Andy: And...
Gabe: You did it.
Andy: What? Based on what?
Gabe: Uh, just all the evidence. And it really seems like it was you. Can we all agree to say that it was Andy for now, and sit with it, see how it feels?

Gabe: What happened?
Andy: I accidentally ate some seahorses.
Gabe: How much?
Andy: I didn't know it's powdered, so like four or five, I don't know.
Gabe: I've got just the thing! [leaves, returns back with his synthesizer] This one's called Earth Rise on the Moon.
Andy: That's so beautiful.

Kevin: Okay, it's two giant dogs with two giant palm trees on a regular size island.
Oscar: Okay, I got one.
Pam: Yeah?
Oscar: Yes!
Gabe: Okay, I'm sorry but I am going to have to shut this down.
All: Boo!
Meredith: Why?
Gabe: Unless we can all agree to some ground rules. It's either that or I can fax this to Jo and let her decide how to proceed.

Phyllis: Maybe that's not the best one. Keep reading.
Gabe: Uh, it was.
Meredith: Maybe it wasn't.
Gabe: "Oh, thank God. I had a horrible nightmare that I was stuck in America with Gabe."
Andy: Oh! [laughter]
Phyllis: No, that's not the one I was thinking of. Keep going.
Gabe: "I know what it smells like but I didn't roll in anything. It's from listening to all of Gabe's bull[bleep]." [laughter] "Isn't this the perfect romantic getaway, Erin? Sitting on a deserted island wearing dog costumes? I'm Gabe and I'm a weirdo."
Andy: [laughs]
Gabe: "Gabe's mom... Hmm... Gabe's mom? Wait. Tall woman? Looks like Gabe? Yeah, I banged her."
Phyllis: Yeah, there you go. [laughter]