Gabe: [answering phone] Hallway phone, Gabe Lewis speaking.
Robert: Gabe, listen to me. Don't bother Bill with this. He has to go put out a fire on the home front. Just wait twenty minutes and then I want you to listen to Dwight's pitch. Make him feel valued. Make him feel heard.
Gabe: Your wish is my command.
Robert: It's a command.

Ryan: Robert, I want you to know, I'm here to rock with you as late as you want, man.
Gabe: And that goes double for me. I'll stay even later than you'd like.

Gabe: Ugh, man. My delts are blasted. I wish they had a chart for how much protein powder to scoop for a 180 pound man with no fat.

Gabe: Did someone say girl talk?
[aside to camera:]
Gabe: Sometimes I wonder if I have ovaries in my scrotum, because I am great at girl talk.
[back:]
Gabe: Have you guys been watching any good Korean soap operas? I'm pretty deep into Hee-Jungcinderella girl. Although, I definitely fast-forward through the young-Tae storylines.
Nellie: Do you think I'd like that, or is it important to have an Asian fetish?
Gabe: Uh, I think you're gonna need to have an Asian fetish. Yeah. [chuckles] It'll be upsetting if you don't.

Creed: Hey, Erin, look who's back. The bird man.
Gabe: Hello beautiful.
Kevin: Didn't you two used to do it?
Gabe: We absolutely did. Thank you for remembering that.

Gabe: You know, times were tough. I was unemployed, I was still heart-broken over you, I've lost a good fifty pounds. But as you can see I put all that weight right back on. Feel how fat my buttocks are. Yeah, it's crazy. Touch it. It's like a warm pumpkin.
Erin: So Andy just called you up out of the blue?
Gabe: Yeah. He told me you two broke up.
Erin: Yeah.
Gabe: You must be pretty horny.

Erin: Hey, Andy, is this at all work related?
Andy: We'll get to that. Gabe, did Erin ever tell you that she loves you?
Gabe: [laughs] Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. She wouldn't even let me say it. It was adorable. She would plug her ears and scream her heart out.
Erin: Gabe, can you stop talking? 'cause every word out of your mouth is like the squawk of an ugly pelican.
Gabe: I got a tattoo for you.
Erin: I didn't ask you to get that Nike Swoosh. Nobody did! You did that for you!
Gabe: Just do it. You were the it that I was just doing.

Gabe: Hello, everyone. If I might have a moment of your time. It's come to my attention that people have been watching and laughing at a hurtful parody video. It is now forbidden to talk, joke about, or e-mail this around.
Kevin: Yeah.
Gabe: And that's straight from corporate. So not to be scary, but yeah, I would listen to me. And that's all. Ciao.

Pam: Hey, it sounds like you guys are having a lot of fun, but it's really loud, and some of us are trying to work, so do you think you could do it a little more quietly?
Gabe: Well, that's gonna be tough, because we're getting a dunking clinic from Magic Jordan himself.
Deangelo: Oh, you mean Michael Jordan?
Gabe: [laughs] Total brain burp.

Gabe: What kind of music are you into, Peter?
Pete: Uh, I like all kinds of music, Gabe.
Gabe: Really? All kinds? So you like songs of hate written by the white knights of the Ku Klux Klan?
Pete: No!
Gabe: Erin, are you even hearing this?
Erin: Gabe, he didn't even say that.