Creed: Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Schneider.

Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, our special guest speaker will provoke you. He will inspire you. He is... Creed Bratton. [applause]
Creed: Two eyes, two ears, a chin, a mouth, ten fingers, two nipples. A butt, two kneecaps, a penis. I have just described to you the Loch Ness Monster. And the reward for its capture? All the riches in Scotland. So I have one question: Why are you here?

Robert: Looks terribly real, doesn't it, Creed?
Creed: No...
Robert: Are you scared of snakes?
Creed: You don't live as long as I have without a healthy fear of snakes, Bobby.

Michael Scott: Okay. Ryan, you told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?
[aside to camera:]
Creed: I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death.

Creed: He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. Yeah, it's funny stuff, but mean.
Jim: You follow him on Twitter?
[aside to camera:]
Creed: Everywhere I look it's Betty White this and Betty White that. Finally a kid that's not talking about Betty White. Of course I follow him.

Phyllis: Welcome to your party.
Creed: Everybody get comfy now. This first song's over a half hour long.
[aside to camera:]
Creed: Best gig ever. They asked me to play only originals. I said, "Have you heard my originals? They're terrible." They said, "Even better." I said, "I get it. It's an ironic party for Nellie."

Pam: Creed. I noticed you don't have a resolution on the board. What's yours?
Creed: I want to do a cartwheel. But real casual-like. Not make a big deal about it. But I know everybody saw it. Just one stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.
Pam: How is it going?
Creed: I'm having a little trouble motivating.

Dwight K. Schrute: Psst. We're not here. [slips a Toblerone to Creed]
Creed: Who said that?
Dwight K. Schrute: Exactly.
Creed: How'd I get this long triangle?

Creed: Yes. Hello. Creed Bratton, quality assurance, Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. I was supposed to meet with one of your floor managers last week for a quality inspection, and he or she wasn't there, and I'm trying to remember who it was. Who wasn't there last week? Debbie Brown. And which day was that? Wednesday the 11th. Perfect.
[aside to camera:]
Creed: The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did when I was a homeless man.

Creed: I got a farewell card for Debbie Brown. I thought maybe you'd like to sign it. Maybe throw a couple of bucks in there. Unfortunately, she's got some children.
[aside to camera:]
Creed: I feel terrible about Debbie Brown.She got fired because of Dwight. So I thought I'd pass around a goodbye card. Maybe everyone could put in a couple of bucks to help her through these difficult times. Why do bad things always happen to the good people? [Creed pockets the money and throws the card away] It's tragic. It is just tragic.