Oscar: These questions are bush league.
Andy: You should get up and say something. You've got to be true to what's in there. Don't be a wuss.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: I've always been the guy who can rally other people to rebel. In high school I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway, got a 1220, always regretted it. I feel lachrymose.

Michael Scott: Jo, Jo, I can assure you it was no one in this office.
Jo: Can you now?
Michael Scott: Absolutely. Anyone who talked to the press, please raise your hand.
Phyllis: [quietly, to Andy] Put your hand up, Norma Rae.
Andy: If you say anything, so help me God, I'll break off the temples of your glasses and stick them in your eye sockets.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: So unfair. Even if I thought that our printers killed baby seals, I would not be a whistleblower. The Bernards, for generations, have silenced whistleblowers. It's how we made all our money. Woody Guthrie wrote a song about us. [sings] Old Mr. Bernard, old Mr. Bernard, who have you silenced today?

Andy: New guy sucks. Calls me the Nard-Man. I'm the Nard-Dog, okay? Nard-man is my father.

Oscar: Andy, please! Please, just stop. You can do infinite things with paper-
Andy: [gasps] Shh! Did you hear that? Infinity! There is an infinity of things that you can do with paper! Now, who wants to buy some paper? [scattered applause]
Jim: Very nice. Very nice sales pitch for our clients that don't know what paper is.
Andy: I'm talking about you guys! Who in this room, right now, wants to buy some paper? Let's get high on our own supply!
Angela: Andy, you want us to buy our own paper?
Andy: Yes!
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Robert said that we needed to double our sales growth to eight percent by the end of the quarter. That's today. And we're eight hundred and thirty dollars short. And I can't afford to keep buying paper from us. So today, we need to sell eight hundred and thirty dollars of paper and the next quarter I need to sell the twenty-two hundred dollars of paper that's in my garage.

Andy: I'm in Florida to get Erin. As soon as I heard she wasn't coming back to Scranton, I jumped straight in my car and drove straight down till I hit the ocean. My heart is my map. Turns out, Tallahassee is about 200 miles inland, so I overshot a good amount. But still, not bad for a heart map right? [picks up dead fish] Oh, no. Thanks a lot, BP.

Andy: How did I just abandon my dreams so quickly? It's cause I had a fallback. That's the problem. When you have fallbacks, it's just easy to give up. When Cortez landed in Mexico, only way he got his men to defeat the Aztecs was by burning all of his own boats. So they could never return home. Huge dick move but very effective. I need to be that same kind of dick to myself.

Pam: I don't know if I really see you two together.
Andy: Really? Well, maybe you should look in the smart part of your brain.
Pam: She's very religious.
Andy: Okay, well I come from a line of W.A.S.P.s so long it leads back to Moses.

Andy: We're getting married at Schrute farms, no matter what. I have looked at 12 venues. I have lost 8 deposits. And I have seen Angela naked zero times. I am not losing another deposit.

Andy: What if Dwight dies and I still owe him something? That is a recipe for a ghost.

Dwight K. Schrute: Hello. I don't believe we've been introduced. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager.
Andy: Andy Bernard, Regional Director in Charge of Sales.
[Dwight and Andy start shaking hands]
Dwight K. Schrute: So you'll be reporting to me, then.
Andy: On the contrary.
Dwight K. Schrute: My title has "manager" in it.
Andy: And I'm a director. Which, on a film set, is the highest title there is. Do you know anything about film?
Dwight K. Schrute: I know everything about film. I've seen over 240 of them.
Andy: Congratulations.
[They're still shaking hands.]