Andy: Yeah, so life gives you lemons and you've just gotta eat them, rinds and all. And if you don't want to eat them? Your ex-girlfriend will shove them down your throat with the help of her hunky new boyfriend. So that's fun.

Andy: [in a cockney accent] Nothing is impossible to him who will try. [normal] Alexander the Great, if he were cockney.

Casey: Whoo-hoo! Casey Dean! Cincinnati, Ohio! [singing] Doctor, doctor, gimme the news, I got a great Casey Dean for you.
Andy: No!
Casey: America wants it!
Andy: No, this is my time! You don't belt on my time! I belt on my time.
Casey: [singing] Casey Dean!
Andy: [singing over her] Casey Dean!
Casey: Man, those are some nice pipes.
Andy: Yeah.
Casey: What's your name?
Andy: Andy. What's yours?

Andy: We all have ancestors who may have done horrible things in the past. But it's in the past and it's not our fault. So we don't have to talk about it.
Oscar: The difference is, Andy, that you're the only here still benefiting from the terrible things that your ancestors did.
Andy: Might have done. And how do you figure?
Oscar: Your family's rich. I have to believe that a big part of the Bernard fortune was earned on the backs of slaves.
Andy: You know, there's nothing wrong with being successful in America, Oscar! I'm not gonna apologize for my family's wealth. That wealth could one day benefit society... If capital gains are ever taxed at the same rate as earned income.

Andy: One of the baby books suggests the best birthing posture is on all fours, like an animal. I just wish I had a special telephone so I could find out exactly what the little soy bean wants. Right? Hey, little soy bean. What do you want? Right. How do- It- I felt it kick!
Keena Gifford: Oh, that's great!
Andy: Oh, my gosh. Like a little magical foot just high-fived me.
Pam: Yeah, well, that'll happen.
Andy: Oh, my gosh. It's like he's trying to say, 'I love you, too, Daddy'. I love you, too. [leans over and kisses Pam's belly]
Pam: Sometimes we're so excited we forget where we are. Like at a business meeting.
Andy: Message received, little soy bean.

Andy: Tuna, you're completely sane.
Jim: Thank you.
Andy: Who do you like for the job? Is there anyone who maybe was a little underwhelming at first, but now seems like a safe, if not slightly unexciting, choice?

Andy: His car broke down. So he called me, 'cause I live near the courthouse.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait, wait. You live by the courthouse. So you drove from near the courthouse, out to Jim's house, and then back to the courthouse?
Andy: Thirty minutes out, thirty minutes back, easy hour. And I would watch that cute little tushie scurry up those courthouse stairs every morning and that was that.

Pam: I'm going to be okay. We should really try to make it until midnight.
Andy: Yeah, no, you really should. Because if your baby's born tomorrow, he's going to have the same birthday as Butt-mud Brooks. My old roommate.
Pam: Did you hear that? Butt-mud Brooks.