Janitor Quotes Page 30 of 30
Quote from My Cuz
Todd: So how's married life?
Janitor: You have to make compromises. Like my wife's allergic to raccoons, so I had to throw out my comforter.
Quote from My Cuz
Dr. Cox: So, you are the best he could muster up?
Todd: Oh, no, I'm not the only one. We all want Turk.
[montage of various surgeons and nurses]
Dr. Cox: You want him to be the Chief of Surgery?
Janitor: That depends. Does he get a special chief hat, like a police chief?
Dr. Cox: No.
Janitor: Okay. If you give him the job, and I make him a hat, will you force him to wear it? I was thinking like an old-time scuba diver helmet. "Hello. You need a new colon."
Dr. Cox: No.
Janitor: Is that a maybe?
Quote from My Chief Concern
Lady: Listen, my sister Amy's son is having a tough time at school, and since his dad is out of the picture, I thought maybe you could sit down and talk to him.
Janitor: Amy, who gave us a doily for our wedding, wants me to save her boy?
Lady: Please?
Janitor: That seems fair.
[later:]
Janitor: So, Ian.
Ethan: It's Ethan.
Janitor: Whatever. Your mom says you're having a rough time in school?
Ethan: Liam stole my backpack. I wanna hit him.
Janitor: No, no, we don't hit. Never. You hit somebody, and the anger's gone, and it's all over. No, the goal should be to keep that anger inside you, growing, like an anger baby. You've got to get inside Liam's head, right? You've got to find out Liam's weaknesses. Like, uh, is he afraid of the dark? Does he have any food allergies? How's he do if he's left out on open water? Does he have a pet? Could that pet be convinced to betray him? Would you be willing to get plastic surgery to further your goals? Would you change the location of your eyes to here? That's the level of commitment I'm looking for. Or maybe I'm just wasting my time.
Ethan: Are you on drugs?
Janitor: Are you?
Quote from My Chief Concern
Jordan: Hey, weirdo!
Janitor: Yes?
Jordan: You must be excited that your little nemesis is going.
Janitor: No, I'm not. I finally have my life in order. I've got my wife, I've got my Brain Trust, and I finally tricked Johan in the gift shop into accepting my new fake currency. Then Dorian comes along and upsets the status quo. I will bet you five bendels that other people follow suit. Change begets change begets change.
Quote from My Finale: Part 1
Janitor: Can there be good without evil?
J.D.: It's probably a question for your priest.
Janitor: I'm Jewish.
J.D.: Really? Shalom!
Janitor: What?
J.D.: Never mind.
Quote from My Finale: Part 1
Janitor: Anyway, I wanted to do something big for your departure, but nowadays my wife is taken up all my time. I wanted to spend all night in the lab, but she wanted to play cards.
J.D.: You have a lab?
Janitor: So I decided to go simple. What would you say this is?
J.D.: Seems like a really gay piece of man jewelry.
Janitor: It is. It's also the penny that you put in the door, eight years ago.
J.D.: For the last time, I did not put a penny in the door.
Janitor: Admit it!
J.D.: Oh, God! Why did you do that?
Janitor: Because I read in a book that if you surprise someone with an accusation, they're more likely to tell you the truth.
J.D.: Nah, I don't really think that's gonna work.
Janitor: Okay. Well, I'm not discouraged. You know what they say. Admit it!
J.D.: Could you stop doing that? Nothing's gonna happen.
Janitor: Don't feel bad, I'm probably doing it wrong. Admit!
Quote from My Transition
Janitor: [on the phone] No, Mom, playpen/baby cage is not like tomato/tomahto.
Quote from My Office
Janitor: Boohoo. Where's my win? Think anybody thanks me for cleaning bathrooms?
Turk: Janitor, the bathrooms are filthy.
Janitor: Well, no one was thanking me, so I quit cleaning 'em.