Scrubs - Janitor Quote #106
J.D.: Janitor. What's that smell?
Janitor: I don't know. Although it smells a little bit like the truth. My poor wife slaved over these.
J.D.: She just cut off a pair of scrubs and hemmed the bottom. What's the big deal?
Janitor: What's the big deal? Well, the Lord didn't bless my wife with all ten fingers. She's only got pointer and thumb-pinky.
Quote from Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: Nine pounds in a week? Let me ask you a quick question. Are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your ass off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside someone's clogged artery and all that person has to do, really, is, oh, I don't know, go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad and you come back here looking like that. And I know, I know. Here I am, supposed to be Dr. Give-A-Crap. But you wanna know the God's honest truth? And this is a fact. You are what you eat. And you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn't ya?
Quote from Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: Okay, Mr. Weisfelner, the angioplasty went well. But here's the thing. It is on you, partner. You got to start watching what you eat so that we can kick this thing in the ass, okay?
J.D.: It's on you, partner.
Dr. Cox: Oh, gosh, Shannon. Thank you so much for clarifying my point by repeating it word for word. Now, in a reciprocal gesture, can I be included in the planning of your coming-out party?
J.D.: Is that a gay joke?
Dr. Cox: No, it's a cotillion joke. My God, Newbie, it's been two furiously frustrating years. How is it possible that you still don't get me? I would never compare you to the gays. I like the gays. I like their music. I like their sense of style. I especially like what they've done with Halloween. But our thing is that you're a little girl. That's who you are. But that's not really not fair....
Quote from Janitor
Janitor: Anyway, what's the deal? We're shorts buddies today. You saw the schedule. Monday, Tuesday, shorts. Wednesday, we wash 'em. Thursday, Friday, shorts. Weekend, optional. I'll be wearing shorts.
J.D.: You know, I was gonna wear them, but you know someone went and stole 'em out of my locker.
Janitor: Let me see.
[later, as J.D. leaves the hospital and passes by a dumpster:]
J.D.: [v.o.] As a doctor, you get good at thinking on your feet. I was able to protect the janitor's feelings. Plus, he totally bought it.
Quote from My First Day
Janitor: The door is broke. Probably the fifth time or so it don't open.
J.D.: Maybe a penny's stuck in there.
Janitor: Why a penny?
J.D.: I don't know.
Janitor: Did you stick a penny in there?
J.D.: No, I was making small talk.
Janitor: If I find a penny in there, I'm taking you down.
Quote from My Mentor
J.D.: How's it goin'?
Janitor: I'm 37 years old and I'm a janitor. How do you think it's going?
J.D.: Now, there is nothing wrong with being a janitor.
Janitor: Really? Thank you, you've turned my life around. I'm going to have to go tell my janitor wife and all our janitor kids that life is worth living. And that comes straight from our hero, Dr. Whozits, Dr. Nothing. No, seriously, come on. You can come over to my humble house and point out things that are cheap.
Quote from My Finale: Part 2
J.D.: Look, it's been a very long day.
Janitor: Well, long days are like pancakes... Admit it!
J.D.: Fine! I put a penny in the door! It was eight years ago.
Janitor: What do you know? It finally worked.
J.D.: It was an accident. It fell out of my pocket and rolled into the door. It was my first day. I didn't want you to be mad. Do you believe me?
Janitor: Yeah. I saw it happen.
J.D.: If you saw it happen, then why did you ask me back then if I put a penny in the door?
Janitor: It was a test of character. You failed, and you lost out on a wonderful friendship. [starts to walk away]
J.D.: We could still be friends. [the Janitor stops, looks back and then keeps walking]