Janitor Quotes Page 2 of 30
Quote from My New Old Friend
Turk: Hey, that whole damn building is packed with liars.
J.D.: It is not.
[meanwhile, at a school career day:]
Janitor: Well, if the cut was that deep, I'd probably just pull your arm off. Once again Dr. Jan ltor. Dr. Jan ltor.
Quote from My First Step
J.D.: Taking off?
Janitor: Yeah. If that's OK.
J.D.: That's fine.
Janitor: You know, I just wanted to sneak out for an hour and see my kid's fourth-grade play, but you caught me.
J.D.: No. No catchies.
Janitor: No, no, I think you're right. From now on, before I do anything, I'll make sure to run it by you first. Permission to go see my kid's attempt to overcome his crippling shyness by appearing in his fourth grade class's production of Town without a Turkey?
J.D.: I gotta get back to work.
Janitor: Back to work. Message received.
Quote from My Kingdom
J.D.: I told you you had nothing to saw.
Janitor: Oh, really? [cut's J.D.'s arm off]
J.D.: Ow, man, give it back.
Janitor: All right. Just tell me why you're hitting yourself. Hmm. Why are you doing that?
[reality:]
Janitor: You ever get the feeling we're thinking the same thing?
J.D.: No.
Quote from My Friend the Doctor
Janitor: [British accent] Evenin' governor! What's up your bum?
J.D.: You know why I wanted that to be you in The Fugitive? Because it would mean you used to be a guy who had dreams and ambitions. And even though things didn't work out the way you'd hoped, at least it would explain why you are the way you are and make you human. But instead, it turns out you're nothing more than a a jerk who just likes to mess with people for no reason. [walks away]
Janitor: Kimble! You tell anybody, I'll kill ya.
Quote from My Words of Wisdom
Turk: How do you know sign language?
Janitor: Well, when I was in high school I was a volunteer janitor at the Hoboken Zoo. And one night I was out plucking peacock feathers for pens, when I noticed Gary the gorilla making the sign for food. I gave him my danish, he gave the sign for "Thank you". Those were the only two signs that Gary knew. Except for boobs. He liked them big and hairy.
Todd: Join the club, player.
Janitor: Get away.
Todd: Okay.
Janitor: So, eventually Gary, I'm sorry to say, died of lung cancer. For that I blame myself because I used to share my smokes with him. But he also piqued my interest in signing, and in his memory I took my first signing class.
J.D.: Is any of that true?
Janitor: Someone would have to read it back to me.
Quote from My Finale: Part 2
Janitor: So your shift is officially over, and that'll do it. Nice knowing you, John Dorian.
J.D.: It was nice knowing you, too... What is your name?
Janitor: Glen Matthews.
J.D.: Well, that was easy.
Janitor: Yeah, it's easy now. When I was a kid, I had a horrible impediment. I'd say "Gen Maffewf."
J.D.: I'm glad I wasn't there during those times.
Janitor: Yeah, I would've torn you to "pieffeff."
Quote from My Philosophy
Janitor: Thanks for the pen.
J.D.: Oh, no.
Janitor: Yeah, this was my favorite T-shirt. And this is my favorite skin.
Quote from My Long Goodbye
Janitor: I probably should have should have said this to you before, but you always impressed me. Your compassion, your faith. And you didn't get mad at me when I insisted that I should be the lifeguard at your above-ground pool party, even after I made it painfully obvious that I'm not a strong swimmer. If you see your dog up there, please tell him I'm sorry.
Carla: What are you doing?
Janitor: I wanted to share a few words before she passes through the golden doors of Valhalla.
Carla: What now?
Janitor: I converted to the Norse religion a few years ago. It just made sense.
Quote from My First Day
J.D.: [v.o.] And like that, I got a second wind.
Janitor: [high-pitched] I'm watching you.
Quote from My Own Personal Jesus
J.D.: [v.o.] Still, there are some traditions I enjoy. Like Nurse Tisdale's 9.15 cup of coffee.
[fantasy: Nurse Tisdale walking towards J.D. in a bikini]
Elliot: Carla, what time is it?
Carla: Oh, I don't know but I'm guessing it's about 9.15 ish.
J.D.: Oh, this thing! Who put this up?
Janitor: I did. I drove round the whole city before my 5am shift, just looking for that. Trying to add a little cheer. [laughs] You will not ruin my Christmas. Not again. Not this year.
J.D.: I've only worked here for three months.