J.D.: Look... Janitor, I'm gonna be straight with you. I saw your penis and I noticed a possible melanoma that you should really have checked out.
Janitor: When did you see my penis?
J.D.: Last night, when you were showering.
Janitor: Where were you?
J.D.: Oh, I was outside in the bushes. Look, it was just a coincidence, man. If you had looked out the window you would have seen my penis.
Janitor: What?! Why?!
J.D.: Because I had it out while I was looking at yours.

Carla: If you're having dreams about another woman, maybe you're not ready for marriage.
Turk: Baby.
Carla: Just take it. Are you crazy? Baby, it was only a sex dream. Everybody has them. Right, Ted?
Ted: Oh, no, not me. I just have the one dream over and over. I hold his head under the water till the last bubble goes bloop.
Dr. Kelso: Ted. What's the ETA on those Double Stufs?
Ted: Bloop.

J.D.: I think Dr. Cox would be more willing to help if he knew it was his baby.
[fantasy: Dr. Cox's head on the baby]
Dr. Cox: What do you say, Stephanie? How about you step up to the plate and tell the guy. My God, I'm only three weeks old and already I've got more stones than you do. One of mine hasn't even dropped yet.
J.D.: It's not my place to tell.
Dr. Cox: Whaa! Whaa! Whaa!
[reality:]
Dr. Cox: Newbie, I know that your ovaries are absolutely tingling at the furry sight of this little fellow, but you gotta snap out of it.