Nellie: This job? Oh, yeah, I'll get it. Jo's an old friend. I think... I'm her best friend. She's not my best friend.

Cathy: Um, it might be fun if each store had a different theme, like a beach one, a winter one, a jungle one.
Nellie: No, not a big fan of the winter aesthetic.
Cathy: Well that was just one idea. It doesn't have to be winter.
Nellie: Oh, no, it does. It does. It has to be winter, and I reject it. So I drew up a design concept. Probably gonna be rubbish, right? Would you like to look at it? Just so you could laugh at it.
Erin: Yeah!

Robert: I am loving the chemistry between you two.
Nellie: I am so happy Dwight is gonna be working alongside me. We are a regular Archibald and his man George.
Robert: I bet. I'm excited.
Nellie: Trick! There's no such thing. It's not even a real English duo.
Dwight K. Schrute: Ah!
Nellie: I just made you look like the goat of Dover. And that doesn't exist either.

Nellie: So, Pamela, I'm going to start this review, not by telling you what you lack, but rather, asking you what it is you want.
Pam: Really? Okay, well, um, I like consistency in the manager's position, no weird silent coups. Stuff like that. I'm easy.
Nellie: That's not really what you want. What you want is a good night's sleep, working mother of two.
Pam: Whoa, that's kind of condescending. Would you say something like that to Jim?
Nellie: Does Jim have to breastfeed? Did Jim carry around those babies for, what is it, 12 months? Be honest, does Jim really get up in the night?
Pam: Well, I mean, the only reason he doesn't is because I'm breastfeeding, and Philip doesn't like a bottle.
Nellie: You must be exhausted. Fancy a nap?
Pam: No.
Nellie: Go on. Have a nap. Lie down right here. There's a blanket in here. I used it earlier myself. Dreamt I could breathe underwater like Jacques Cousteau. No one will know. I'll wake you up. And when you wake up, you will earn more money.
Pam: I think... you're a witch.
Nellie: I think you're amazing. You know that, right? Go on, say it: "I'm amazing."
Pam: [drowsily] I'm amazing. [sighs]

Dwight K. Schrute: I will get the chair in. Watch the Great Schrutini work his magic.
Nellie: Oh, no. Really? Magic? No, no, no. Let's not go there. No, nothing is more repellent than magicians. Bunch of grown men waving wands, pulling bunnies out of body crevices. Magicians are repulsive. Next topic.

Dwight K. Schrute: [finds shoe box] Ooh.
Jim: [reads] "Nellie, don't open, stupid. Love, Nellie."
Dwight K. Schrute: I have to see these shoes.
Jim: I doubt that they're sh-
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh!
Jim: Whoa. Who is this guy?
Dwight K. Schrute: Here's the two of them taking a hike. I'm guessing he's some kind of friend.
Jim: Boyfriend.
Dwight K. Schrute: Here's the two of them kissing at a beach and kissing at the Eiffel Tower. I'm guessing he's some kind of close romantic friend.
Jim: Like a boyfriend?
Dwight K. Schrute: You read my mind.
Jim: Yeah. Whoa. Here's one with his face whited out.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hmm. Maybe someone threw a pie in his face. New theory- he's a hated Italian politician.
Jim: Better theory. This is her ex-boyfriend and they went through some kind of painful breakup.
Nellie: [walks in] Oh.
Jim: Oh, Nellie. I'm so sorry. We were just...
Nellie: I see you've discovered Benjamin. That's what I call my box full of photos of Henry.

Robert: Nellie! You've been terrific in your interim capacity. But, Andrew is the rightful manager so if you would just give him his office-
Nellie: No.
Robert: I'm sorry?
Andy: This is what I was trying to tell you.
Robert: I'm not accustomed to people saying no to me. [laughs]
Nellie: Well, Bobby, get accustomed to it because then it feels so good when they finally say yes.

Nellie: I just wanted to take the man's job, not his manhood.

Nellie: Tonight could be the night that Darryl and I go from casual work friends to actual good friends. The only thing standing in our way is the contempt he seems to feel for me.

Nellie: May I say one thing?
Andy: It would be rude of me not to let you say whatever's on your mind.
Nellie: The quality of mercy is not strained.
Andy: No.
Nellie: It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath.
Andy: Do not bring Shakespeare into this. How dare you play the bard card?
Nellie: It blesseth he who gives and he who takes. 'Tis mightiest in the mightiest.