Pam: Wow. He is officially the worst human being.
Kevin: [as Pam tries to throw cupcake away] Ah. [stops Pam and takes cupcake]
Pam: But, Kevin that's...
Kevin: Yeah. No, I understand, Pam. I understand.

Kevin: What's going on? Oh, did Gangnam Style put out a new song?

Oscar: There's a promo for the new documentary on the web.
Phyllis: Play it again.
Narrator: [on video] The boss. The workers. The lives. The loves. The people. The paper. The Office: An American Workplace. Coming soon on WVIA.
Kevin: Whoa. You go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes.

Kevin: So, me and Philip were just talking and we decided we're gonna be best friends. He's a little standoffish at first. But once he starts buying you things, man, you can tell he likes you.

Erin: You have to change the channel to PBS.
Kevin: Yeah.
Bartender: College baseball is on.
Erin: But there's a documentary coming up. Everyone in the bar will love it.
Bartender: What's it about?
Erin: A paper company.
Bartender: How many people want the game? [half the bar cheers] Who wants PBS? [other half cheers] Sorry. Tie means I do nothing.
Kevin: Sir, please. This show is about me and my attempts to find love in all the wrong places.
Andy: One more for the doc. [the Dunder Mifflin staff cheer]
Bartender: All right.
Kevin: Yes!

Jim: Is that Mose?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes, it is! I am here for my bride!
Mose: Well, first, buy us a drink.
All: If you want your bride, buy us a drink! If you want your bride, buy us a drink.
Dwight K. Schrute: Very well! Drinks on me, bartender! [Kevin turns around] Oh.
Kevin: Well, well, well, well, well, well. That's six "wells." Did I get that number right, Dwight?

Kevin: Make it go taller.
Pete: That's the idea.
Kevin: No, not taller this way, taller this way.
Pete: Well, I've gotta build a wider base first before I can go higher.
Kevin: You're not getting this, Peter. Make it go wider... up!
Pete: Will do.

Darryl: [entering] What are y'all doing?
Kevin: Me and Pete are building a tower.
Darryl: Cool. It should be taller though, right?
Kevin: Obviously. He's a sweet kid, Darryl. But he's not the sharpest guy in the drawer.
Pete: Kevin, I can hear you.
Kevin: Huh?

Kevin: What am I gonna do? I'm gonna hang it up at home. I don't have a lot of art.

Jim: Okay, seems like everybody has an opinion. So, who else? Anybody?
Kevin: Do you mean it? Anybody? Are you sure?
Jim: [sighing] I suppose I am.
Kevin: Okay. Well, what do I want in a manager? Let me see. [walks slowly across the office] What do I want?
Oscar: I don't think he meant, that-
Kevin: So now anyone gets to talk at any times?
Oscar: Go ahead.
Kevin: What do I want? ... I'm looking for someone... who... [smiles] Everyone is listening to me.