Phyllis: Just drive away. Just-
Pam: Phyllis, that's not safe.
Kevin: Guys, we only have eighteen minutes left. At sixty one miles an hour we're just gonna barely make it.

Oscar: Kevin, listen to me. I'm in love with the Senator. And I need time to sort this out in a responsible matter so I need your help in keeping it a secret because this means the world to me. Okay?
Kevin: That's beautiful. No, I totally get that.
Oscar: Can you do this, Kevin?
Kevin: I really want to. Whatever happens, always remember that.
Oscar: I don't know what that means. Hey, hey!

Kevin: What happened?
Angela: Jammed. Could this day get worse?
Kevin: Yeah, I think this day could get worse.
Angela: What does that mean?
Oscar: Kevin!
Kevin: [to Angela] I don't know what you're talking about. [Thumbs up Oscar]

Angela: Kevin, we're out of 11-38 forms. Did you order more?
Kevin: I... did not.
Angela: I don't know why I'm surprised. Literally nothing you do could surprise me anymore.
Kevin: [laughing in Oscar's direction] Oh really, Angela? That's interesting. Cause I do think that I could surprise you. I think that I could surprise you... oh, oh! ... I have to go to the bathroom!
Angela: That doesn't surprise me.
[aside to camera:]
Oscar: That actually wasn't the worst cover. I'd say at least once a week, Kevin runs out of the room shouting that he has to go to the bathroom.

Oscar: I have to say I'm impressed with Kevin. Uh, he showed a lot of self-control.
[aside to camera:]
Kevin: I totally forgot about the affair for a minute. [laughs] Oscar is having sex with the senator and Angela doesn't even know. [still laughing] Her life is a complete sham!

Val: Thank you all for your concern, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, okay?
Kevin: So does this mean you're gonna take Darryl back?
Val: No.
Kevin: Well, then, what do you say to you and me hitting the town? 'Cause I'm free, literally forever.
[aside to camera:]
Val: Yeah, Kevin asked me out. I was kinda feeling good about reentering the dating pool, but then Kevin asked me out. Thought I might trade up to a new level of man. Then Kevin asked me out.

Oscar: You guys, I kind of think I want to try them all. Is that crazy?
Nellie: No. Look, without a taste test, how are we supposed to know which flavors we like to reorder?
Kevin: Taste test? I'm in!
Oscar: YOLO! [singing and dancing]
Phyllis: What?
Oscar: It's a thing. It means "you only live once".
Kevin: Yeah, we're aware of what it means, Oscar. You just do not look cool saying it.

Pete: Come on, guys, where is this even coming from?
Kevin: Your feelings for Erin? Probably your heart. And a little bit your penis.

Kevin: He just waltzes back in here like he owns the chunky, lemon milk. Who needs him, right?

Pam: Would any of you be saying any of this if the cupcakes were from Supermart?
Angela: Do they even have a bakery anymore?
Kevin: They do. It's awful. And, it's getting worse every day.