Kevin: I'm gonna take this petty cash that I got from Oscar and turn it into next month's rent.

Phyllis: Yes. Put the DVD in.
Kevin: Open QuickTime.
Oscar: It starts on it's own. Let it-
Kevin: No! Use QuickTime. Trust me. I've done this.

Erin: Okay, uh, the second one is walk around. We're already doing the opposite of that. Perfect. Okay, number three, eat spicy foods.
Michael Scott: Okay, the opposite of that?
Kevin: Stick spicy food up her butt.

Kevin: Commission comes out to... dunh-duh-na-dah! Zero.
Jim: Mm-kay, Well, it can't be zero, Kev.
Kevin: I entered the sale, and I hit enter, and I said, "dunh-duh-na-dah!" I'm pretty sure I timesed it right.
Angela: You met your commission cap last week. So from here until the end of the fiscal year, your commission will be zero.
Jim: What are you talking about? We- We have a commission cap?
Angela: It's a new corporate policy.
Kevin: Dunh-duh-na-dah!

Dwight K. Schrute: In your perfect would, what would make this building awesome? I'm putting together kind of a wish list.
Kevin: Well, I wish for a million wishes.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yeah. No, I'm not a genie. I'm just talking about a...
Kevin: Then see you later, building.
Dwight K. Schrute: You can't possibly be serious.
Kevin: I said see you later, building.

Holly: [walks in with a dirty Woody] Who did this? It's obvious to me I'm not welcome here, but somebody better tell me who did this, or else I'm leaving.
Phyllis: Well, I don't think Erin seems to like you.
Erin: That's not true. I don't know her enough to make a decision even.
Michael Scott: What happened? What happened? Toby, what did you do? I think Toby's very jealous of all the attention you've been getting.
Toby: No, I would never ever do anything like that. But it does seem like something you would do.
Michael Scott: Oh, really? Turn it on me. Well, isn't that nice? Thank you very much.
Kevin: Wait, wait, guys, listen. Toy Story is all about toys that come to life when people aren't looking. You don't think- It's not possible- That Woody did this to himself.
Michael Scott: It is Christmas.

Kevin: Pizza, soda, the moon, someone to share it with.

Group: Roll Call! Shabooya, roll call. Shabooya, ya ya, shabooya, roll call. Shabooya, roll call. Shabooya, ya ya, shabooya, roll call.
Kevin: My name is Kevin.
Group: Yeah!
Kevin: That is my name.
Group: Yeah!
Kevin: They call me Kevin.
Group: Yeah!
Kevin: Cause that's my name.
Group: Roll call! Shabooya, roll call. Shabooya, ya ya, shabooya, roll call. Shabooya, roll call. Shabooya, ya ya, shabooya, roll call.

Phil Maguire: Let's make it interesting. Say 10 bucks a hole?
Jim: Great.
Kevin: What are we talkin'? Skins? Acey deucy? Bingo bango bongo? Sandies, barkies, arnies? Wolf? What?

Angela: How odd, a very unusual phone call from the Senator's office. The Senator wants me to have lunch with him at The Botanical Gardens.
Kevin: The Botanical Gardens, Scranton's hidden gem. Don't eat any berries you don't recognize.