Phyllis: Hey, why can't we bother Luke? He deserves it.
Michael Scott: Because I don't want it getting back to Sabre that we're yelling at assistants. I think it would reflect poorly on us.
Dwight K. Schrute: Who's gonna tell on us? Gabe?
Gabe: That'd be hilarious. Uh, "Jo, they're creating a hostile work environment. Stop 'em."

Angela: It's so cold. Even with my coat on.
Meredith: Maybe your senator boyfriend has a blanket in his car for screwing Americans.
Gabe: Yet another opportunity where a blanket would have come in handy.

Gabe: So, I won.
Erin: I know. You get to pick.
Gabe: Well, that's actually what I came to talk to you about. I know how much you want to watch "WALL-E".
Erin: Yes?
Gabe: So I got us a compromise. This movie is called "Hardware". It tells the story of a killer combat robot, just like "WALL-E", that the government invented to destroy humans. It's some of what you like and some of what I like, and... married...
Andy: Hey, I heard you talking about movies before, and, anyway, I just watched this over the weekend. I thought you'd really like it.
Erin: There's a "Shrek" two?
Andy: Oh, yeah. See you tomorrow.
Gabe: Nice guy.

Gabe: And what do we have here?
Erin: From my secret admirer. That's you!
Gabe: Come on.
[aside to camera:]
Gabe: I dominate Valentine's Day. I practically make romance into a science.
[back:]
Erin: "Roses are red. Violets are blue. Look in the vase to find your first clue." Oh, my gosh. It's a romantic scavenger hunt!
Gabe: Oh, close. It's a romantic treasure hunt. A scavenger hunt is where you find items from a master list. This is where you follow clues that lead to a prize. Common misuse. Good luck.

Gabe: [to Oscar] I hear them kissing all the time. It's this horrible plipping sound. You know, it's like Chinese water torture. Just...[plipping sound] like it's coming from my own head.

Gabe: First things first. An office romance is permissible. Not something you'd expect to hear from corporate. Well, guess what. Sabre is 100% tolerant of office romances.
Ryan: Speaking of, Gabe, I don't see Erin at this meeting.
Meredith: Uh, I also don't see Andy.
Kevin: Ooh.
Jim: Ooh! Boom! Face!
Gabe: I get it. Andy's slamming my girlfriend. Very funny.

Oscar: Are you guys listening to this?
Michael Scott: What, are you talking about me and Holly?
Pam: Yeah!
Gabe: Maybe you find your own chair.

Erin: I really think you should leave.
Gabe: Someday, you are going to tell our grandchildren about how their grandfather won you back in a women's room.

Robert: Dwight, today is not my day at all, I'm afraid. I'm not going to be able to meet with you, but I'm leaving you in the very capable hands of our COO.
Dwight K. Schrute: But I can give you this pitch in one minute.
Robert: No, he's going to meet with you later. No, no, no. I don't want you to rush it, okay? Trust me. Meet with Bill. He's a great person to know. I'll dialogue with him tonight. [leaves]
Gabe: CEO to COO. What a difference a letter makes.
Dwight K. Schrute: Still an important position. Still a chief.
Gabe: You're really going to like Bill. He, uh, he has me toilet a lot of people for him.

Dwight K. Schrute: So it's a very simple argument of why I should be put in charge of southeast printer sales. Nobody has sold more printers in the northeast than me. Bottom line, I know the product. I get it!
Receptionist: Well, you got my vote.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh my God.
Gabe: I know.
Dwight K. Schrute: Most of all, I believe that character is destiny. And my character is one that- Wait, why are you smiling?
Gabe: What?
Dwight K. Schrute: What's with the smile?
Gabe: You're doing great. You know, so good.
Dwight K. Schrute: And my character is one that will never give up until greatness is on the horizon, behind us.
Gabe: Dwight, that was a fantastic presentation. Put your hand on my hand. Flush!