Erin: Andy's confused. That's not what I was hoping for, but it's not so bad either. I can live with confused. I get confused. I totally get confused.

Oscar: We wanted to say hi to the newest little Dunder Mifflinite.
Senator Lipton: Well, meet our not-so-little bundle of joy, Philip Halsted Lipton.
Kevin: Philip is so fat.
Oscar: Kevin!
Kevin: You warned me not to say anything if it was tiny, Oscar. But you didn't prepare me for a big, giant, fat baby.
Angela: Hey.
Senator Lipton: Yes, he's substantial.
Erin: He's more than substantial. He's a monster.

Robert: [As Erin holds an overflowing coffee cup] You can just put it down.
Erin: Oh.
Robert: [after taking a standing sip from the coffee cup] That is very cold.
Erin: Yeah. It's old.
Robert: Why would I...?
Erin: I asked if you wanted a cold beverage and you said "coffee".

Erin: Hey, Lucy, I'm home. Bobaloo.
Irene: Oh, here let me help.
Erin: I got it. It was so busy at the store today. Really good cheese samples. I had, like, a hundred.
[aside to camera:]
Erin: Irene hired me as her live-in helper. We met at the store launch. I told her I was moving here and I needed a place and it just sort of made sense. I basically do everything for her. I run errands. I do chores around the house. I cook and clean. Honestly, I don't know how she survived without me.

Kevin: Do you want to go out on a date with me? We can make out by the horses.
Erin: Well, you know ol' Nellie's always up for a romp in the hay.
Meredith: How about a threesome?
Erin: Yeah, my boudoir's always open.
Kevin: Nice.

Andy: I was just thinking about Weekend at Bernie's. It's funny, the guy's dead the whole time.
Erin: I haven't seen it.
Andy: Speaking of weekends, you excited about our date this weekend?
Erin: [accent] Of course, Nathaniel.
Andy: Yeah, okay.
Erin: [accent] Where are you taking me?
Andy: [accent] Well, finest steakhouse in all Savannah.
Erin: [accent] Savannah? That's a far way from Scranton.
Andy: Did you mean a real date?
Erin: No. [laughs] Did you?
Andy: Totally... not. [Erin gets up and walks away]
[aside to camera:]
Erin: I thought it was for real. So I was excited, but it was just, it was part of the game.

Erin: Hey, Pam, do you have a sec to check over this itinerary?
Pam: Looks great.
Erin: Oh, did you really look it over? Felt like maybe you didn't.
Pam: Okay. The Michael Scott Foundation is still in existence?

Erin: [singing] Hey Mr. Scott, What you gonna do, What you gonna do make our dreams come true. Hey Mr. Scott, What you gonna do.
Michael Scott: Please stop. 15 lives. I destroyed 15 young lives today.
Erin: No.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Erin: No, there's financial aid. Uh, they could join the army or the navy.
Michael Scott: You're what, like, 12?
Erin: The principal told me that 90% of Scott's Tots are on track to graduate, and that's 35% higher than the rest of the school. So I think that if you hadn't made that promise, a lot of them would've dropped out. Which is something to think about, I think.

Erin: Who's hungry?
Jim: What is that?
Erin: It's ants on a log. Michael would always have me bring them in at 2:30 and say "Who's hungry?"
Jim: Oh. I'm fine. Thank you, though.
Erin: Do you want me to spin you in your chair and make you dizzy?
Jim: Why would I wanna do that?
Erin: It's a thinking technique. All the top executives do it. It keeps the brain moving, and a spinning brain is a working brain.
Jim: For now, I'm just gonna go back to work here...
Erin: Oh sure.
Jim: Yeah. Thank you.

Michael Scott: Would you mind if I listen to my book on tape? I'm kind of a bookworm. This is the novelization of the movie Precious based on the book Push by Sapphire.
Erin: I was thinking it would be fun to talk on the way over. So what decade would you have chosen to be a teenager?
Michael Scott: [shakes head] I don't know.
Erin: I would have chosen the 1490s.
Michael Scott: Ah.
Erin: 'Cause America was discovered.