Erin: Morning, Meredith.
Pam: What?
Erin: Oh, sorry, Pam. Yikes.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: Jim's been spending a few days a week in Philly and I'm not gonna lie, it's been challenging. Yesterday, things took a turn for the worse. I found out Cece has lice. So I was up all night disinfecting every sheet, towel, toy, item of clothing in the entire house. I'm exhausted. But don't tell Jim. He has a huge meeting today, under a lot of pressure and he's doing it all for the family.

Pam: Hey, Meredith, I need your supplier requests today.
Meredith: Jeez H. in the morning. Will you stop your nagging already? No wonder Jim left you.
Pam: He didn't leave me. He just went part time. [Meredith scratches her head vigorously] Can you just fill out the form please?
Meredith: Yes.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: I'm sure she's just confused. People scratch their heads when they're confused. Not always like an ape, the way Meredith just did, but it happens.

Pam: You ready for your interview?
Darryl: I was born ready! No, I suck at interviews. I had Andy's job in the bag until my interview.
Pam: Well, you shouldn't be nervous about this. This is a tiny start-up with a bunch of guys just as dorky as Jim.
Darryl: Yeah, I guess.
Pam: Really, you can't be scared of a room full of Jims. I love the guy, but he's basically Gumby with hair.

Pam: Hey. I feel so lucky we're in the same city for Valentine's Day.
Jim: It's like magic. Or, it's like me getting on my hands and knees and begging my partners to switch a Tuesday for a Thursday.
Pam: Alakazam!
Jim: By the way, they do need an extra day next week.
Pam: And, poof! He disappears.

Mark: This is a tiny resume. Papa Smurf! Come back to the mushroom. [Pam laughs] From The Smurfs Movie.
Pam: Yeah, I've seen that with my kids. Um, it is tiny, but I've actually been commissioned by the City of Scranton to paint a mural-
Mark: What does this say here? To ti te per tat... What language is this? Swahili? Oh wait a second [turns paper around], now I can read it.
Pam: Oh, cause it was upside down. [both laugh]
Mark: You're a good audience. [Pam laughs]
Pam: So um-
Mark: Unlike some of these people around here.
Pam: Yeah, the um, the city commissioned me to do the-
Mark: Yeah, we don't have a lot of call for doodling around here. But I like this resume and here's why. It shows that you stick around. Yeah. You don't jump ship easily. Like a lot of these people. [sighs] I mean they worship me you know? But do they like me? I mean, you think they like me, Pam?
Pam: Yes.
Mark: [gets guitar] What if Bob Dylan was your boss? I'm gonna do Dylan! [playing guitar and singing as Bob Dylan] Pam Halpert is my name, and I've been at Dunder Mifflin for seven years? Eight years? Eight years, man. Got the Dunder Mifflin blues. Got the Pam Halpert blues. Got the pra- Went to the Pratt Institute...You have children?
Pam: Two children, yes.
Mark: You wrote Art and Painting, kinda the same thing. Kinda the same thing. Sometimes I repeat myself, but that's just being Pam. Well, I'm kinda cute and I'm- but I'm married so...leave that be.

Mark: Nothing to see here! Boss at work. This will be your desk. Right up front. Best seat on the roller coaster, you must be this tall to ride this ride. No pregnant women allowed. Are you? Uh, yeah I don't- I'm not allowed to ask. So...
Pam: I am not pr-
Mark: You're not.
Pam: Pregnant, no.
Mark: I didn't ask her if she was pregnant. She just offered it. The last three girls here all got pregnant.
Pam: Wow.
Mark: Don't be afraid, it's a different chair. I don't want a guy up here. I want to you know, see a woman come in and do a great job. Something that, I have to look out this window, I want someone-
Pam: I'm sorry I thought this job was for the position of office manager.
Mark: It is. Yeah, you would, uh, manage this office. Answer the phones and forward the calls and uh you know, go for a coffee run now and again.
Pam: So, kinda like a receptionist.
Mark: Yeah, like a receptionist, but we call you the office manager because, uh, it's less demeaning. By the way, how long are these, uh, cameras gonna be following you around? Because I think this is pretty cool. [whistles] Pretty pretty cool. Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm. Do you like that show?
Pam: Yes.
Mark: Well, I think they indulge themselves a little too much. I like scripted.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: I spent 10 years as a receptionist, to Michael Scott. And I have kids now. And I just, I can't.

Pam: So, imagine like the real estate version of Michael Scott and that was this guy. He did half the interview as Ace Ventura.
Jim: Tell me about the cologne. How much?
Pam: Oh, uh, entire bottle. At least.
Jim: You're definitely hoarding this by the way.
Pam: Guess what poster he had on his wall?
Jim: ... Austin Powers.
Pam: Nuh-uh.
Jim: Ferris Bueller.
Pam: Nuh-uh. You're getting colder.
Jim: Not Night at the Roxbury.
Pam: [laughs] No. The Odd Life of Timothy Green.
Jim: I'm sorry, how did you think I was expected to guess that?
Pam: I don't know, but it's interesting right?
Jim: It's fascinating.
Pam: He said he can't help but tear up when he looks at it. It's like right next to his desk. He must look at it twenty times a day.

Pam: Phyllis has gotten into audio books and lately she's been listening to 50 Shades of Grey. Which, if you don't know what it is, it's a book about, uh, um...
Clark: It's porn.
Pam: Yeah.

Jim: I'm taking some time off from work- well, my other work - because we needed it.
Pam: It's great.
Jim: It's great.
Pam: The phone's been ringing off the hook. The guys in Philly are kind of going nuts.
Jim: But that doesn't matter. This does. It's the only thing that matters. We've had some really nice days together.
Pam: Nice morning, too.
Jim: Beesly! Oh, my god.

Woman #2: All I can say is, if I had Jim, he would have a free pass to do anything. I mean if I lucked into that, he could do anything. Anything.
Pam: [pause] I'm sorry. Is there a question?
Woman #2: Uh, no.
Man #2: Pam, what was in that teapot letter?
Pam: Oh, um, well, you know, I... I just... I just think I would rather keep that private. You know, if you'd been filmed for nine years of your life, there'd be some things that you just wanna keep to yourself.
Man #2: I hear ya. What did it say?