Pam: So I just wanted to confirm that you're not coming to my wedding.
Ryan: Yeah, I might stop by.
Pam: It costs about $75 per person.
Ryan: Okay, I once had a glass of cognac that cost $77.
Pam: Can you just tell me now if you're coming or not?
Ryan: Yes, I'm coming to your wedding.
Pam: Okay. [writing down] Ryan Howard, yes.
Ryan: Probably yes.
Pam: Kelly Kapoor yes.

Pam: Here we are outside-
Andy: WB!
Pam: - the Wilkes-Barre Industrial Park.
Andy: Industrial P! Makin' cold calls.
Pam: The two people with the lowest sales in the quarter have to do them.

Phyllis: Bob and I are doing this Scranton Haunted Walking Tour.
Oscar: I always wondered what kind of people went on that thing.
Pam: Oh, hey, if you go by the Banshee Pub, tell the Man In Black I say hello.
Oscar: ... [sigh] What happened, Pam?
Pam: Okay. When I was 22, I worked there and everybody said the place was haunted. I didn't believe it until one day before we opened, I look up into the mirror, you know, behind the bar, and I see this old man dressed all in black, but when I turn around, there's no one there. So, I tell the cook my story...
Phyllis: Wait, they have food there?
Pam: ...and he said, That's what everyone sees. That's the Man In Black.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: No! My wife does not believe in ghosts.

Oscar: This is interesting.
Pam: Hm-hmm.
Jim: What is interesting? I just proved that he gives his cell out to everybody.
Pam: Or you proved that he thinks you're gay.
Oscar: He does not think Jim's gay. A gay man would not leave the house wearing those shoes.
Pam: Well, a gay man wouldn't leave the store wearing those shoes.
Jim: Oh, hey, you bought me those shoes.

Erin: Okay, the client is Heymont Brake and Tire. They're family-owned, but don't let that take away from your edge!
Nellie: Come on, Pam, I know you can fail. I see failure in you.
Creed: Remember, you're a scumbag, so you think scummy thoughts. Like this...
Pam: [on the phone] Hello, this is Pam Halpert. I'm calling from Dunder-Mifflin. Yes, your paper provider. And I just called to say... Your mama is so fat, when she wears red, people yell, "Hey, kool-aid." Yeah, your mama's fat. This is Pam Halpert.
Pete: Did she buy it?
Pam: Basically I couldn't tell, but I think...
Nellie: Were they angry?
Pam: I- I thought they were confused at least...
Nellie: Okay.
Erin: [answering phone] Dunder Mifflin. This is Erin. Yes, you can. Okay. I will make sure that goes on file. [hangs up] Ladies and gentlemen, we just lost a client!

Pam: I'm having contractions, but they're irregular and far apart. So I'm not really in labor, I'm near labor.
Jim: Yeah, we're slow-playing it because of our stupid HMO.
Pam: If we check in after midnight, I get an extra day to recuperate surrounded by doctors.
Jim: Not to mention the extra night's sleep in the hospital will be very nice because once we bring the baby home, if it's crying all night, one of us is going to have to take care of it. And I do not plan on helping unless it's a boy.
Pam: I cannot wait for that joke to be over.

Pam: Sometimes I just don't get Roy. I mean, I don't know. ... So... What's it like dating a cheerleader? [chuckles]
Jim: Uh...
Pam: ... I'm cold.

Jim: I just got a text from Robert California that says "bring your clubs to Florida".
Pam: Why? Does he think you're going to Florida?
Jim: I hope not. [laughs] Because I am not going. Two question marks?
Pam: No, just do one. Two question marks is kind of aggressive. You know it's like Wha-what?? Just do one.