Creed: [on the phone] You remind me so much of my fourth-biggest client.
Pam: [in high-pitched, damsel-like voice] Is that right?
Creed: I think you two should meet.
Pam: Well, okay!
Creed: Hey, Jordana! Patch my ninth- and fourth-biggest clients together. [Pam puts down phone and picks it back up]
Pam: [a comedic male voice] Hello!
Pam: [damsel-like voice] Hello!
Pam: Hi, how are ya?
Pam: Oh, I'm good! Don't you just love paper, and things about paper!
Pam: Hey, are you single? This seems like a love connection to me!
Creed: It's Kismet!

Jim: Oh, yeah. Pregnant.
Pam: Right here. Little Michael Scott-
Jim: No, I told you I don't like that joke. It is a boy. We found out early.
Pam: Much different the second time around. And I have to say, it is nice not being the only pregnant woman in the office.

Pam: I used to be young and cute and sorta funny and I could do those cute, little cartoons. And everyone who came through here was like, "Who's that receptionist? I like her." Now I'm just a fat mom. Yeah, and you take one look at me and you're like, "Oh, loser."

Andy: C'mon Pam. Chins up, okay? Bad joke. Look around this room. Does this look like a group of losers? Seriously?
Pam: Oh. Oh God!

Pam: I'm training a temp to be my replacement while I'm on maternity leave. Oh, I should've mentioned I'm pregnant. You probably didn't notice because it's impossible to tell I'm so small. But yeah I'm pregnant. [chair squeaks] Oh come on!

Pam: Wait, what?
Dwight K. Schrute: Look at the numbers. Every single time, it's come up 150 over 100. Your husband is a pathological liar.
Pam: Jim, you have high blood pressure.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, he is definitely attracted to her.
Pam: Doesn't your dad have high blood pressure?
Jim: Yeah, but I don't smoke.
Pam: When was the last time you went to the doctor?
Jim: I don't know.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's important to go every month and get your prostate checked. You can do it at home by yourself with your finger. You just stick it-
Pam: Dwight, stop. I'm not kidding, I mean, I need you to take care of yourself. What would we do if something happened to you?

Pam: Okay. You know the test booklets that they give out in all the schools. I was thinking that we could put a coupon in the back that people would mail in to us... and as, you know, as I tell it, I don't like it. Unless, of course, you are responding to it.
Robert: I am not.
Pam: Um, excuse me. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: At this point, when you're this pregnant, it's kind of like senior spring. The other day I spit my gum out on the carpet.

Oscar: Hey, are your little dudes crawling yet?
Pam: No, three-month-old humans don't do that.
Angela: My Philip is crawling.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: Angela is such a liar!
Oscar: It's maddening!

Pam: [answering phone] This is Pam. Oh my God, are you sure? Uh, okay. Okay, um, we'll be right there. Everybody, the balloon is falling.
Kevin: Nice.
[aside to camera:]
Pam: There's this balloon that has been floating in the rafters of the warehouse for, like, ever. And, okay, it's not - It doesn't sound cool. You just have to see it.
[later, in the warehouse:]
Pam: Well, I guess it doesn't look that cool either. But, it's been up there a long time, so it's become a pretty big deal.
Jim: Wow. It's the end of an era.
Pam: Did a good job, Buddy. Now it's time to come home.
Oscar: I remember when that balloon went up there. I was still with Gil. We were so happy.
Kevin: When that went up there, I had hair like Rapunzel.
Ryan: How long do you think it's been up there, Kevin?
Kevin: I just remember pushing aside my silky bangs to say, "Look, a balloon."
Dwight K. Schrute: My Warcraft clan was still on speaking terms.
Meredith: My kid didn't have a face tattoo.
Darryl: I was still thinking of going back to school.
Jim: And I was still just a paper salesman.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well this has been fun, Pam. Thanks for calling us all down here. [everyone sighs]
All: Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon.

Pam: Hey, Jim. Stanley's back from the hospital today. Can you sign his card?
Jim: Oh, great. [reads] "Glad they didn't mix up your tonsillectomy with a mustachectomy." Oh, that's not good.
Phyllis: Oh, because your jokes are all hilarious.
Pam: It's nice. It's funny. It mentions his tonsillectomy and makes a funny little joke about his mustache.
Jim: Stanley doesn't have a mustache.
Pam: Yeah, he does.
Oscar: Pam, hit the brakes. Stanley does not have a mustache. I misspoke. I'm not sure. I think he has one, now that- I think he has a mustache.
Pam: Okay, Phyllis sits across from him every day. Phyllis, does he have a mustache or not?
Phyllis: Oh, I don't know. Um, now I think he doesn't.
Pam: Phyllis! What are you talking- The whole card depends on this!
Jim: Okay, the man's worked here for 25 years. How can none of us picture his face?
Angela: 'Cause we come here to do our jobs. We don't stick our noses in other people's business.
Pam: Okay, which one of these looks more right? [holds up drawing of Stanley with and without a mustache]
Dwight K. Schrute: Neither of those looks like any person that has ever existed or been dreamt of in the history of human insanity. That said, the one on the left.
Gabe: Guys, that's the elevator. What if it's him?
Jim: Okay, quick. Who says mustache?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yep.
Jim: Who says no mustache?
Gabe: [revealing Stanley's mustahce] Ah! Ha ha ha!
Phyllis: He does have a mustache.
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes!
Pam: Welcome back, Stanley.