Nellie: Sorry. Sorry, everyone. I'm late. But you all are here, so no harm done at all by my lateness.
Robert: [laughing] Nellie, really, nine-fifty?
Nellie: Oh, here's what happened. Seven forty-six, my alarm clock goes off. I hear it. Whack the snooze.
Robert: Ah.
Nellie: Nine minutes. Bzz! Off it goes again. Whack! Seven more times I did that. Bzz, whack. Bzz, whack! By the time I got up, it was ten minutes ago. No willpower. That is my curse!
Robert: I've never believed willpower was very important in a woman.

Robert: I don't think you would have shown up to work nearly an hour late for no reason.
Nellie: Oh, I assure you, I would have done. I did, and I will keep doing it.
Robert: No, no, no, no. There's something going on. Some stress in your life.
Nellie: Well, yes, uh... There is the whole moving to Scranton nonsense. Thirty boxes arrived yesterday from England and two trunks from Florida. Then I have to move in to my apartment in this dreadful, God-knows- -where-it-is backwater suburb of a suburb, and I mean, no offense but are there a lot of Irish people living around here?
Kevin & Meredith: Yes.
Nellie: Ugh! I hate that! No offense.
Kevin: None taken.
Oscar: Actually, Nellie, this monologue you're delivering is very offensive.
Nellie: Oh! Ay, caramba! The natives are getting restless!
Stanley: Who's a native?
Nellie: Uh, excuse me, the tone here is getting quite hostile. I would appreciate it if you would keep that stuff on the basketball court.
Oscar: What does that mean?
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, okay.
Nellie: If you'd let me finish- Or the squash court, or the Supreme Court. Hmm?

Nellie: Call me a layman, but I wish there was some real food here. You know, like hamburgers... Or Oreos... Or a pizza pie or, um, what's another food that we like?
Darryl: Tacos.
Nellie: What I wouldn't give for a big mess of tacos right now!
Darryl: I can go get us some tacos.
Nellie: Brilliant!
Darryl: If you loan me some money.
Nellie: Yes, I can do that. For, um, for two tacos, we'd probably need about what 20... $20? Or $25? $20?
Darryl: $30.
Nellie: $30, yes!
[aside to camera:]
Nellie: I've never eaten a taco. I'm not entirely sure what they are. As long as they're not slimy, and please god don't let them have eyes!

Nellie: Things are looking up. I might be a mother soon. I have MasterCard right where I want them. And... I have a new friend. A friend. At work.

Nellie: Today, I launch my big charity initiative ‘Operation Give Back'. Andy has shot down all of my special projects thus far but, this one is about charity. So, I'd like to see him piss on that one.

Dwight K. Schrute: Dumatril!
Nellie: Something wrong, Dwight?
Dwight K. Schrute: Dumatril.
Nellie: Yes?
Dwight K. Schrute: This is a pill that I found here in the office. But it's not for worms or eczema like any normal pill. It's not for any disorder of the body. [whispering] It's for a disorder of the mind.
Nellie: The mind is part of the body.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, this is a pill that combats insanity, okay? Whoever is taking it is not only insane... [whispering] They are now off their meds.
Nellie: Dwight, our co-workers' health issues are really none of our business so-
Dwight K. Schrute: Why are you trying so hard to bury this thing, huh? What's going on Nellie? Talk to me.
Nellie: Hm?
[aside to camera:]
Nellie: It's my pill. I have an anxiety issue and I'm not ashamed of that, But I'm not loving the idea of Dwight having that information. I once saw him yell at Phyllis for sneezing wrong.

Jim: What the heck is going on?! The stock price is plummeting! Are you gonna take control of the message or do I have to send in someone who understands the media?!
Dwight K. Schrute: Get out of here moron! [Jim leaves]
Nellie: Excuse me, Mr. Dwight, who are you talking to?
Dwight K. Schrute: Uh, no one.
Nellie: Did you just call Ms. Mick a moron?
Dwight K. Schrute: No, everything's fine.
Nellie: Are you insulting my guests?
Dwight K. Schrute: [chokes up]

Nellie: [as Iris] The fallout from this morning's revelation continues to mount, since Mr. Dwight Schrute began speaking, Dunder Mifflin share prices fell 73%. Mr. Schrute, shareholders demand accountability from corporate leadership. Can we announce your resignation at this time?
Dwight K. Schrute: [on the phone] My resignation? What are you talking about? No! I was just following orders! Listen, the person responsible for this catastrophe is the CEO and chairman, David Wallace!

Nellie: We started with sixteen brave aviators. Some use skill, others relied on showmanship, others seem not to comprehend what a paper airplane is. And of course, there was the odd moment of heartbreak and disaster.
[flashback:]
Toby: Hey, I left my glasses down here somewhere. Crossing through, beep beep. [Pam's plane hit Toby in the eye]
Toby: Ow! Ow!
Pam: I didn't see you! You should have yelled "Crossing!"
Toby: [crying] I'm sorry!
Pam: Okay, so is that my spot?
[back:]
Nellie: We are now down to an elite eight. Well, seven and Toby.

Dwight K. Schrute: Are you trying to sabotage this entire event?
Jim: I'm very sorry.
Nellie: We gave you an Arrowhead for free for the day. How hard would it have been to do this, hmm? "Hello. Hi sweetie. It's Jim. I'm calling you from the new Arrowhead, which is why my voice is crystal clear. And my hand will never get tired because of the ergonomic shape."