Gabe: Okay, while this is interesting we should get back to work. These stand-offs can last a long time. What if it's another Waco.
Erin: It's pronounced wacko.

Erin: I'm taking a break from dating. Gabe was a great guy with so many wonderful qualities, but it was a challenge being touched by him.

Oscar: Where is this from? That is so upsetting!
Andy: That was awful. Robert, I apologize.
Erin: I'm sorry. I got confused. I heard you wanted to make the party more adult. But I think I know what to do now. This game is called "Pecker Poker". [fighting tears] It's the game of cards that gets you hard.

Erin: For a while there I thought something would change. But nope. Andy's still with Jessica, they even carpool together most days. I don't know, I wouldn't mind carpooling every day with Andy, but I wouldn't want to spend that much time with Jessica.

Irene: When can I introduce you to my grandson? He's a wonderful swimmer. Shallow end, deep end. He does it all.
Erin: Well, today might be kind of tough, Irene. I have to talk to my old boss, Andy, and tell him I'm staying in Florida.
Irene: Oh, what kind of tea is this?
Erin: Oh, I boiled some Gatorade.

Andy: My fellow Americans, I have a feeling my approval rating is about to go through the roof. Turns out, I am related to Michelle Obama.
[aside to camera:]
Erin: I was intimidated by Andy's family before. And now I have to see the First Lady at holidays? She's gonna be like, "What's your stance on politics?" Or, "What is the best war to do?" And, I will just be like, "Duh!"

Erin: I am really, really bad at break ups. Technically, I'm still dating my first grade boyfriend. I mean, we just had our 20th anniversary. And, I forgot to get him something.

David: Hey, Erin. Is Andy in?
Erin: Oh, "is Andy in"? Sorry, I thought you said "is Indian" and was like, "Is Indian what?" Is Indian food good? Is Indian jewelry pretty? Is Indian hair an expensive kind of wig? Yes, to all three, by the way.

Meredith: Hurry up already.
Erin: Trust me, I know what I'm doing. Between the foster homes and the orphanage, I had lice 22 times.

Erin: Uh, yeah. I already bought my Pyramid, but I don't want to leave yet. I haven't had so much fun since seeing... Zoo-ee Desh-Channel at the Couch-Arilla music festival. So fun.