Dwight K. Schrute: What do you think you're doing?
Darryl: Getting my sweat on.
Dwight K. Schrute: I build you this temple to the human body, and you're lifting what, five pounds?
Darryl: I just did, like, 35 minutes on the treadmill.
Dwight K. Schrute: I was watching you. You want to know how long it really was?
Darryl: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: Eight minutes!
Darryl: Dude, I'm gonna be here all week, right? Five days a week, I figure I'll start slow.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is that the same philosophy you apply to buffalo wings? I want you to bring that same buffalo wing passion to this gym! I'm gonna make you look like Lebron James!
Darryl: It's Lejon Brames.
Dwight K. Schrute: That's what I said.
Darryl: You know, get it right.

Darryl: I meant dressed up compared to normal. You usually dress like a ghost-buster.
Val: OK.
Darryl: I thought you'd wear a sweater.
Val: Since when does a sweater mean "dressed up"? Am I your grandson?
Darryl: Come on, stay, alright? It's good for people to get to know you.
Val: As a contestant on Dancing with the Stars, maybe.

Darryl: I have a kid. Last week, Jim at home? That was no vacation.

Darryl: You log in sales at ten different times. If you log ‘em all at once, you save a lot of time. It's called batching.
Jim: This is really good, Darryl.
Darryl: Life hacking, man.

Andy: What's going on here? I'm related to the first lady, okay? Get over it. [chuckles] I still need weekly status reports from most of you, so, can we get back to work, please? Get back to work! [makes whip cracking sound]
Oscar: Andy! Andy! No! I would be very polite today.
Andy: Why? Is it employee's day or something? I cannot keep track of these BS holidays.
Oscar: Your connection. To Michelle Obama has certain... negative connotations. Most likely, your family were slave owners.
Andy: Does anyone else think it's possible that I come from slave owners?
[everyone raises their hands.]
[to camera:]
Darryl: Whoa! That person has really gotten him or herself into quite a predicament.

Jim: You doing alright, man?
Darryl: I'm done. I gotta get out of here.
Jim: Yeah. Not the easiest day to be assistant regional manager.
Darryl: It's not just today, it's everyday. It seems like the better title I have, the stupider my job gets.

Darryl: What are you doing?
Jim: Getting my wife a week off from work.
Darryl: You popped one kernel.
Jim: Awesome, right? [leaves]
Clark: So Creed is that dude's step dad?
Darryl: Correct.

Dwight K. Schrute: What lab did these little clones escape from?
Andy: My Cornell a capella group.
Pam: You were in an a capella group?
Darryl: You went to Cornell?
Andy: Yah! ah. Okay. Ha ha ha ha.

Dwight K. Schrute: Hi, Darryl. I'm just here to smear some peanut butter on my forehead.
Nellie: You know, to uh, to protect his brain from the nanobots that the government put in the air conditioning.
Dwight K. Schrute: That makes sense to you, right? Or does it sound... crazy?
Darryl: I can't really picture it. Can you... get it on there. Yeah. And maybe, get the cheeks.
Dwight K. Schrute: So this makes sense then. Or is it crazy?
Darryl: Get under your chin first. Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is that where the nanobots like to come in?
Darryl: Take it all the way up to your lip, yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: Is that how they like to get in?
Darryl: Yeah, that's crazy.
Dwight K. Schrute: [whispering] I don't know. I just don't know.

Pam: Wow, this place is so great. I had no idea. On the phone, you made it sound kind of dinky.
Jim: Well, I mean, I don't even have the paycheck yet. It is a startup, so... These things go down all the time.
Darryl: If this company's going down, I wanna go down on it. With it. I wanna go down with it.