Jim: Dwight, you can't just hire someone ‘cause they're your friend.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not. These people are the best of the best. I find talent an attractive quality in a friend.
Nellie: They're freaks, Dwight. All your friends are weirdos and freaks.
Dwight K. Schrute: You know who else was a [British accent] freak? Spider-man. And he was also a hero.
Darryl: Your friends are like Spider-man, if he had gotten bitten by a spider and then got really into masturbating.

Darryl: Everybody knows I go to Philly. I've just been using sick days I saved up. But, Erin was so excited about being sneaky-sneaks, I went along with it.

Darryl: I love Jim. I love that he hooked me up with a job. It's just, he uses old t-shirts as wash rags. He doesn't wash his dishes. Apparently, they need to [air quotes] soak... He hooked me up with a job.

Carla: Are you in that paper documentary too?
Darryl: Yep.
Carla: You need an agent?
Andy: No! He's- I mean, you've never acted in anything before. He's just my entourage.
Darryl: I was in The Whiz in high school.

Darryl: Yeah. I taught Mike some new phrases. I want him to get the raise. I just can't help myself.

Darryl: [through megaphone] Mike, this is the opposite of safety. You jump, you're going to seriously hurt yourself.
Michael Scott: You told me that I lead a- A cushy, wimpy Nerf life.
Darryl: Yeah. But I never said you had nothing to live for.
Michael Scott: What do I have to live for?
Darryl: A lot of things. [looking for back-up] You- What about Jan? Lovely, lovely, lovely Jan, man. It's going good, right?
Michael Scott: It's complicated with Jan. And I don't know where I stand or what I want. The sex isn't nearly as good as it used to be.
Darryl: Mike, you're a very brave man. I mean it takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day, knowing full well you got to be you.
Michael Scott: Do you really mean that?
Darryl: I couldn't do it. I ain't that strong and I ain't that brave.
Michael Scott: I'm braver than you?
Darryl: Way braver. You Braveheart, man.

Darryl: What'd I tell you about building forts in my warehouse?

Pam: Jada, Darryl, I'm so glad I found you guys. A Grinch stole the star from on top of the Christmas tree and is hiding it in the warehouse somewhere. You want to go help me find him?
[entering the warehouse:]
Pam: Oh, my goodness.
Andy: I am the mean old grinch. The little girl who wishes to win back the Christmas star must first succeed at these challenges.
Darryl: Oh, that sounds fun and Christmasy, you mean old Grinch!
Jada: What kind of challenges?
Andy: Wahhh...
Pam: Something like an obstacle course, Mr. Grinch?
Andy: No. You must answer topical political questions. How many congressmen is the state of Pennsylvania guaranteed? And what other state has the equal number?
Jada: I don't know.
Andy: Do you know the other state?
Darryl: Maybe the Grinch hid the Christmas star, and we could ask for clues, and he'll tell us if we're hot or cold.
Andy: The star has been hidden. Is the little girl hot or cold? Well, it turns out she's burning up because the star is right behind her ear!
Darryl: And the game's over seconds later.

Pam: Hey, having fun?
Andy: Yes, I am, as a matter of fact.
Pam: Well, I know how it is. I know it's a lot of fun. ... I don't know how it is. Andy, this is a lame job. What are you doing here?
Andy: I found my calling.
Darryl: Andy, when I was twelve years old, we did a field trip, a lock-in at the zoo. I met this girl, I thought she was so perfect. I was in love with her. But when the sun came up, I knew it wasn't real, 'cause she was ugly and I had grown tired of her. I know you want reception today, but tomorrow you won't want to do her. She's a dog.
Pam: Guys, I don't like this analogy.

Val: Brandon, Darryl and me? That's ridiculous, right?
Darryl: Yeah, totally crazy. Puts me in an insane asylum just thinking about it. I'm stranded on shutter island over here.