Andy: Oh, speaking of time machines? I just got back from the future, and I went to your funeral, and guess what? Nobody came.
Dwight K. Schrute: Speaking of funerals, why don't you go ahead and go die?
Andy: Oh. That was a really well-constructed sentence. You should be an English professor at Cor-Not University.
Dwight K. Schrute: Idiot!
Andy: If I were an idiot, I'd be driving a Trans Am.
Dwight K. Schrute: If you were driving a Trans Am, you'd be the smartest idiot in the whole world.
Andy: [coughing] Idiot!
Dwight K. Schrute: [coughing] You're the idiot.
Andy: [coughing] Nice comeback.
Dwight K. Schrute: [coughing] I was making fun of your comeback. That's why it worked. [to camera] I totally got the best of that interchange.

Andy: [on the phone] Yes, hi. My last name is Bernard, and I would like to cancel a wedding cake that I had ordered. B-E-R N-A-R-D. The one shaped like a sailboat. That's the one. Thank you.

Pam: You were way meaner to me than I was to you.
Andy: No I wasn't. Okay. The very idea of us together made you burst out laughing like you just bit into an Adam Sandler and jelly sandwich.
Pam: You blew the sale, you idiot.
Andy: Let me tell you something. I was never gonna make that sale.

Keena Gifford: And a baby on the way? You must be so excited.
Pam: Yes.
Andy: Yeah. We are thrilled.
Pam: Mmm-hmm.
Andy: In fact, we spent the whole weekend researching various birthing coaches. Wasn't that fun, honey?
Pam: It was, sweetie.
Keena Gifford: Oh, I know the best teacher. Her name is Miss Janet.
Andy: Yeah. On Clearview Avenue.
Keena Gifford: Yeah!
Andy: Yeah.

Andy: [in character] Hey there, young lady.
Erin: Hello.
Andy: I would be remiss if I did not ask the pretty young lady out on a date for this weekend.
Erin: Sounds like a plan, Sugar.
Andy: All right, a plan it is.

Jim: Alright. Then we're back to cash. And I got to say, if giving a small percentage of our commissions is going to smooth all this over, I'm for it.
Phyllis: Okay, fine. Cash it is.
Andy: Erin just texted me back. 'People love shells from far-away beaches".

Andy: Michael, I have to tell you something it's from Rocky II.
Jim: Thank you.
Andy: [as Mickey Goldmill] This guy doesn't just wanna win. Y'know, he want's to bury you. He wants to humiliate you!
Michael Scott: Wait, wait, wait. How long is this going to take?
Andy: I'm like a quarter of the way through.
Michael Scott: Is it going to be worth it?
Andy: No.

Andy: [scatting] Ske-be-do-bah-bap-bah-de, ske-be-de-bapa-de-bapa-boopa-dooten-bebe-daten-booray.
Darryl: Nice scatting, man.
Andy: Thank you. I think I said doop instead of boop at one point.

Robert: Look, Andrew, we can discuss the specifics of the job.
Andy: No.
Nellie: It's the apology. I really have to insist.
Andy: [British accent] No.
Nellie: Stop saying no.
Andy: No.
Robert: Andrew, if you say no one more time, you're fired. So, is there anything else you wanna say?
Andy: No.
[later, to camera, holding a box of his belongings:]
Andy: I can't describe it. I just, for the first time in a long time, I actually feel in control. I feel... alive.
Erin: Here- [grabs the box Andy's holding]
Andy: Ah. Da, da, da, da- I got it.
Erin: But you hurt your hand.
Andy: I. Got. It.
Erin: Right now?
Andy: Yes.

Andy: Uh, correction, I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling. Changes lives.
Nellie: Thank you, Andy.
Andy: I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for the preservation of nautical flag signaling.