Frankie: Mr. Ehlert?
Mr. Ehlert: What now? Tampon machine empty?
Frankie: No. Actually, sir, I was wondering if I could possibly, in any way, have Thanksgiving off to spend with my family.
Mr. Ehlert: Okay. We're gonna play a little game called I Be You, You Be Me. "Mr. Ehlert, I know I'm the newest employee with the worst sales record. And even though I whine about equality for women in the workplace, can I have Thanksgiving off so I can hug my family all day long even though two minutes ago you said I had to work?"
Frankie: Yes?
Mr. Ehlert: Okay, I'm me again. No!
Frankie: Please. My family needs Thanksgiving and I'm the mom. I have to cook in the morning and we eat in the afternoon.
Mr. Ehlert: Fine. You can work the evening shift. And if you're still here, you can work all day Christmas.

Mr. Ehlert: Ain't nothing wrong with the check, Frances. That there is your base salary, and that's what it's gonna stay until you sell a car and get a commission. Now one week left in the month. You sell a car, or you may be out on your keister.
Frankie: [sighs] Yeah. Yeah. I, um... but listen, I mean, my keister's having a little cash flow problem right now. I may not have sold a car yet, but I've come real close.
Mr. Ehlert: See that buck up there? He came real close to not being hit by a bullet. You see what I'm saying? By the way, did you ever get a new driver's license?
Frankie: Oh.
Mr. Ehlert: We gotta post them, and that old one didn't look a thing like you. [Frankie hands him her new license] Oh, yeah. Now that's you.

Frankie: Oh, here's a thought. I was just in the Frugal Hoosier and they have Ronald Reagan inaugural jellybeans. 50 cents a bag. How about we fill a car with them and let people guess how many for a prize?
Pete: Pfft.
Frankie: I don't know, thought it'd be fun.
Mr. Ehlert: Hmm. Clever... ...patriotic, cheap. You know, I was gonna fire you right after the meeting... but I think I'll just move that Post-it to next week.
Frankie: Ha. Hear that, Pete? I'm not fired for another week. Yeah, baby.

Mr. Ehlert: I'm about done being Mr. Nice Guy. The month's almost over and sales are... What in the name of good God Almighty is that?
Bob: It's a houseplant.
Mr. Ehlert: A houseplant? This is not your house. How many times have I told you? No bringing personal items into work.
[As Mr. Ehlert lectures his staff, Brick walks into the dealership in his pajamas.]
Mr. Ehlert: The only thing any of you need to be worrying about taking care of is me. You don't need a houseplant stealing your focus... from what you should be working on, selling cars.
[Brick grabs a donut from the counter behind Mr. Ehlert]
Bob: I'm sorry, sir. I'm not thinking clearly. I gave blood this morning.
Mr. Ehlert: Well, don't do it again.
Bob: It was very selfish of me, sir.
[Brick grabs a newspaper from the table]
Mr. Ehlert: Did they give you a cookie? [Bob hands his cookie to Mr. Ehlert] Thanks.
[Brick walks out of the dealership with a donut and a newspaper]

Frankie: [v.o.] So after a stressful morning with Axl, work was almost like a break.
Mr. Ehlert: You people are the sorriest bunch of losers I've ever laid eyes on.
Frankie: [v.o.] I said almost.
Mr. Ehlert: And to reward you for that achievement, anyone who can't sell a car by next week is gonna find themselves out on the street.
Frankie: You're gonna fire us?
Mr. Ehlert: Forget that. I'm gonna put you out on the street in that dog suit.
Man: [shouts at the dog suit] Loser!
Pete: Which one of you is gonna be the head and which one is gonna be the tail?
Bob: I have asthma, so I have to be up near the mouth.
Mr. Ehlert: Now, I wanna hear this sales bell ringing like a trolley car in nancy town. Got no room for dead weight around here. Speaking of which. Frances. My office.

Frankie: [v.o.] The day started off lousy, and then it got weird.
Mr. Ehlert: So out of the goodness of my heart, I'm gonna reach into my own wallet, and instead of buying that second pontoon boat, I'm gonna spend the money on buying some TV ad time. I decided to dust off my old commercial from when we were up to our jockstraps in good times.
Woman: [on tape] Help! Help! I'm being assaulted by high prices!
Mr. Ehlert: [on tape] Just keep cool, little lady. I'm Don Ehlert of Ehlert Motors, and they're not gonna get away with that on my lot. [funk music plays] [bangs] I'm shooting down high prices... [shoots an African-American man] And bad service. [shoots an Asian-American]
Frankie: Uh, Mr. Ehlert, you can't run that commercial. It's racist.
Mr. Ehlert: What are you talking about? I'm shooting high prices. It's racist to shoot high prices?
Bob: When high prices is a Black man, yes, sir.
Frankie: I just think maybe if you made a new commercial, you might appeal to an entirely new group of people. You know, young people... Non-racists.
Mr. Ehlert: You two write me up a new commercial and have it on my desk tomorrow morning.
Man: [over PA] Frankie, you have a call on line one. Your son Brick's school is on line one.

Bob: Action!
Mr. Ehlert: And down here, we got... Damn it. [cut]
Mr. Ehlert: And down here, we got What the hell is my hand doing? Doesn't feel natural. I don't know what to do with my damn hand. [cut]
Mr. Ehlert: And down here, we've got... That's not right, is it? Eh. And down- Oh, screw this! What are you lookin' at?! [cut]
Mr. Ehlert: Quiet! [cut]
Mr. Ehlert: Ehlert Motors, where your every need will be... [insect buzzing] Where your every need will... Ah...
[horn honks] This... [horn honks] This is your fault. The words you wrote are clumsy. They don't roll off the tongue. Um... Yeah, like this. What the hell is that?
Bob: "Vehicle"?
Mr. Ehlert: Yeah, that's fancy. I don't talk like that. [insect buzzes] Aah! Are you gonna help me, or are you gonna just stand there?

Mr. Ehlert: It's Don Ehlert of Ehlert Motors. Need a vehicle? Got bad credit? We don't care. Come on down. We've got the lowest prices south of Canada. Follow the arrows! Follow the signs to Ehlert Motors.
Bob: Mr. Ehlert, you did it! You made it through the whole thing!
Mr. Ehlert: I did? Ha! I did! Well, let me see it. Play it back.
Mr. Ehlert: [on tape] It's Don Ehlert of Ehlert Motors...
Mr. Ehlert: What the hell is this? I don't look like that. You made me look old and bald and... old!
Bob: No.
Mr. Ehlert: In my old commercial, I was beautiful, Bob! What'd you do to me?
Bob: [stammers] Sir, well, you... [runs off]
Mr. Ehlert: Jackass.

Frankie: [v.o.] Fortunately, not everyone is too proud to beg.
Frankie: Sir, I just found out my Aunt Ginny needs emergency surgery on the night of Thanksgiving. So could I switch to afternoon shift so I can take her to the hospital?
Mr. Ehlert: Of course.
Frankie: Thank you, Mr. Ehlert.
Mr. Ehlert: And you're working Easter.

Frankie: You know what, Mr. Ehlert? I can call you that, right? Mr. Ehlert? I used to be scared of you. [chuckles] I was. But you're just a big, old teddy bear, right?
Mr. Ehlert: Marcie used to call me her teddy bear. Damn shame she couldn't get over me working Thanksgiving.
Frankie: Wait. Hold on. Are you kidding me? I thought you were working today because your wife left you, but your wife left you because you're working today.
Mr. Ehlert: Kept saying, "You can't keep the dealership open. Your only daughter is coming in from Hawaii." She can't tell me what to do.
Frankie: Oh, my God. How dare you make me waste my Thanksgiving feeling sorry for you. You don't deserve my sorry. You know who deserves my sorry? Me. I'm going home. And fire me, don't fire me, I don't care. But if you're on the fence, don't fire me.
Mr. Ehlert: [snores]