TV Quotes

Brick: This book is life-changing. Mom dropped me at the library to find the perfect holiday read, and out of nowhere, it just appeared to me. "The real true behind-the-scenes story of the making of Erich Segal's 1970's classic, Love Story."
Mike: Really? All the books they got in the library, and that's the one you picked?
Brick: Have you read it? It's fascinating. How did I go so long without finding this? It's a Thanksgiving gift, I tell you. A gift.
Mike: You know, the only thing that would have made that better is if strangers were here to see it.

Mike: When was I supposed to know this? I only found out 'cause I went by the house to invite you to Thanksgiving.
Big Mike: Oh, no. You don't want an old man with a broken hip at your Thanksgiving.
Mike: That's true, but my wife does. Please, Dad. Please, please, please come to Thanksgiving.
Big Mike: Oh, I don't want to be a bother.
Mike: It's not a choice, Dad. The nurses say you gotta be discharged tomorrow, and they can't let you go home alone. Don't worry. We got TV and crummy food at our house, too.
Big Mike: You don't exactly roll out the red carpet, do you?

Mike: Anyway, Frankie is putting together a nice dinner. You should come.
Big Mike: I don't wanna be a bother.
Mike: You're not a bother, Dad.
Big Mike: Don't go making turkey on my account.
Mike: We're making it, anyway. All of America is.
Big Mike: Well, if I come, you'll just have to get another chair out of the garage. All that hassle.
Mike: Okay, Dad. We're eating at 4. Come if you want, don't if you don't.
Big Mike: That's not much of an invite, is it?

Frankie: [v.o.] So Mike finally went to ask his dad to Thanksgiving. Which sounds easier than it is, because Big Mike's kind of a hoarder who doesn't like to leave his house. Maybe because he's got too much pride to accept an invitation. Or maybe because there's too much crap blocking the door.
Mike: [knocks] I know you're home, Dad. Montgomery Ward went out of business 10 years ago.
Big Mike: That's good to know. [replaces the "Gone to Montgomery Ward. Back in 5." Post-It on his door with one reading "Gone to Circuit City. Back in 5 min."]
Mike: So Thanksgiving is coming up.
Big Mike: Is it, now? Oh, well, the calendar says it's today.
Mike: Yeah. Well, the calendar is 4 years old, Dad.

Mr. Ehlert: Come on down to Ehlert's Motors! We'll make you a deal! And remember, you don't have to plug our cars in to your house. Our cars run on good, old-fashioned American gas, not foreign electricity.

Sue: Hi, Mr. Ehlert. Would you like to help...
Mr. Ehlert: No. Frances, you forgot to make coffee again. You got me walking like an idiot with a donut and nothing to dunk it in.
Frankie: Mr. Ehlert, how come I'm the one who's always asked to make the coffee? I'm beginning to think it's because I'm a woman.
Mr. Ehlert: Heh, of course it's because you're a woman! The day I start telling men to make coffee for women, you have my permission to put a bullet in my head. [chuckles]