Mr. Ehlert: All right, listen up, space-wasters. In case you're not clear on this, this is not a parking lot. You can actually sell those cars out there. And don't whine to me about the economy. My wife's paint-huffing brother just got a job, so it's back. Now I want to hear some ideas. Pete? Nothing. Bob. Nothing. Fish-Face. Nothing!
Pete: Sir, that- That was a customer.
Frankie: You know, the Indy 500 is coming up. What if we had a radio station broadcast live from the lot and tied it in with the race? [Pete socffs]
Mr. Ehlert: Hmm. Interesting. Pete, you want to repeat that in a man's voice so I can see if I like it?
Bob: I can do it, sir.
Mr. Ehlert: I said, "a man's voice." You know what? Forget it. I love the idea. The Indy 500. We go live on the radio and promise to sell 500 cars in 5 days, and if it doesn't work, it's your fault.
Frankie: But-
Mr. Ehlert: "But" nothing! Now somebody go sell Fish-Face a car.

Brick: Excuse me, Mr. Ehlert, there seems to be some kind of mistake. I mean, "Orson: why not?" What about "The heartland's hidden gem"?
Mr. Ehlert: We didn't get it.
Brick: But I turned it in the day-
Mr. Ehlert: No, no, we received it. We just didn't get it. "Why not?" Now, that's snappy. It's like, "Got milk?"
Brick: This is an outrage. That is an inferior motto. And nobody said we could use punctuation.
Mr. Ehlert: Forget it, son. We're moving on to the pie contest.
Brick: But it's-
Mr. Ehlert: It's done! You lost. Get over it. Now, I've got 35 pies to taste, so unless you're a pie, get out of my face.

Frankie: So, it's been a while, huh? How you doing, Mr. Ehlert?
Mr. Ehlert: I had a mole the size of Texas frozen off my back, and I'm sitting on a hemorrhoid pillow. How do you think I'm doing?!
Frankie: [chuckles] Well, you look great.
Mr. Ehlert: Down, girl. I'm a married man.

Mr. Ehlert: So how's it going out here?
Bob: Oh, Mr. Ehlert, sir, hard at work. It may look like fun, but it's work, work, work.
Mr. Ehlert: You did good, Frances. Since this was your idea, my commission on the first sale of the day goes to you.
Frankie: You're kidding. Oh, Mr. Ehlert, you don't how much this means to me. My daughter, Sue, needs glasses and our dryer...
Mr. Ehlert: Already stopped listening.

Mr. Ehlert: Ladies and gents, thanks for coming to Ehlert Motors. We've got great deals on all our vehicles so please don't rush off. We've got many knowledgeable salesmen... and a woman to show you around. Right. Now, for the winner. There were 425,362 jellybeans in the car. So the closest guess with 12,001 is Cecil Hagen.

Mr. Ehlert: Hey, quick, everybody! The new commercial's on.
Woman: [on tape] Help! Help! I'm being assaulted by high prices!
Mr. Ehlert: [on tape] [bang, bang] I'm shooting down high prices!
[On the tape, Bob gets shot while wearing a "High Prices" label]
Frankie: That's it? Huh. That must have been easy.
[Bob shakes his head]

Announcer: Have you er seen such pageantry? And the Thundering Hens Drill Rifle-ettes are up next, as soon as we get the stalled car moved off the field. Uh, yeah, sorry... the stalled car from Ehlert Motors! So when you think of quality, think Ehlert Motors!

Mr. Ehlert: Hey there, Frances.
Frankie: Oh. I was just getting ready to head out. I have something I need to-
Mr. Ehlert: [sits down] Let me ask you something, Frances. Say you're me, and your wife is asking you to go out to dinner with your brother-in-law you can't stand. You work hard. Well, not you, Frances. I mean me, in the story.
Frankie: Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Mr. Ehlert: Let me give you the back-story on this guy. [puts feet up] About 10 years ago...

Frankie: [v.o.] Just when I'd reconciled myself to losing my job, things started to pick up, and it looked like I was gonna have to keep it.
Mr. Ehlert: [into microphone] So come on down to Ehlert's before all the deals go racing away!
Bob: [imitates a race car]
Mr. Ehlert: I'm sorry. Did I ask for an impression of the world's loneliest cat?

Mr. Ehlert: All right, we're down to the final two. Let's get this thing moving. Up on one foot, girls.
Woman: [to Sue] Surprise! I'm a yoga instructor.