Gabe: Hey everyone. Hi. Quite an afternoon, huh? Cathartic in a way. I'm glad that I got to share it with you. It makes you think about what's really important. [Pam hands Jim a note] It's not about showing you're in charge or flexing some sort of authority. It's about forgiveness. And yes, I'm talking about you three in this desk clump right here. I think that, if you were to apologize to me, then I would revoke your suspension.
Pam: I don't think an apology is enough. I really think the only way for me to learn my lesson is to take my suspension.
Jim: And I got to take this bad attitude, and I got to go home, and I got to adjust it. And I hope the suspension does that.
Dwight K. Schrute: [gets up and walks over to Gabe] Prideful idiots. Watch how it's done. [Jim and Pam get their things together and start to leave] Gabriel, I apologize.
Gabe: Great.
Dwight K. Schrute: And I kneel before you.
Gabe: Guys, I would even take a contrite look as an apology.
Dwight K. Schrute: Humbly taking your hand upon which I kiss to show my contrition.

Kevin: [as Gabe] Uh guys, I'm now going to apologize for the mess that we're in because corporate told me to. I just want you to know that I laugh like a crazy person.
Gabe: Okay. You got to be able to laugh at yourself. I'm one of the gang.
Dwight K. Schrute: "I have to go back to the zoo to the stick insect exhibit."
Kevin: "Um, er, ciao." Right? "Ciao. I say Ciao because I'm fancy from Tallahassee."
Gabe: Why don't we say ciao to the impressions? [everyone says ciao]

Gabe: Welcome to my Man Cave! I did my senior year in prog in Japan. Best year of my life.
Jim: You play?
Gabe: Oh! I like to create soundscapes. I imagine one instant of a song, expanded to be the size of the universe.
Jim: I can't even do that.

Darryl: Gabe, tell us your stupid rules so we can start the game.
Gabe: Number one, and this should be obvious, no captions that insult the company we work for.
Oscar: Irony is such a critical...
Gabe: Number two, no pop culture references.
Pam: Seriously?
Oscar: Wow.
Gabe: I think we can all agree that they tend to alienate those who don't get the reference, making them feel like the other.
Darryl: Wrap it up, Gabe.
Gabe: Okay, final thing, and this is a fun one: Instead of writing the caption directly under the picture, let's all try using Sticky Quips. All right? New, from Dunder Mifflin Sabre.
[aside to camera:]
Gabe: Sticky Quips are fun. They are safe. They are handy. I like to use Sticky Quips as regular Post-It notes when I am in a fun mood. [laughs] Not every day.

Gabe: No one is a bigger fan of sexual touching than me. But with you two, it's reaching the level of a complex. I can think of three explanations. One, you're taking MDMA. Street name, Ecstasy. I've done it, and I know the feeling.
Holly: No, I don't think so.
Gabe: Number two, you're desperately trying to fit in a whole relationship before Toby comes back from jury duty and Holly has to go back to Nashua. Or three, you're at an age where your sexual climaxes aren't as powerful so you need to overcompensate with foreplay, taboo behavior...
Michael Scott: Yes, it was that. It's that one.
Holly: Yes. Number three.

Gabe: I can not believe I didn't think of toasting Robert. Get in the game, Gabriel! Why are you talking to Stanley's mistress?

Gabe: The cinema of the unsettling is a growing film movement. The most well known film in the genre is an hour long shot of a squirrel with diarrhea.

Gabe: The Sabre Code of Conduct outlines the governing principles key to establishing and maintaining trust with our employees, clients-
Kelly: Oh my God, kill me!
Andy: Hey! All right, obviously we all want to die but we have to get through this. So, Gabe go ahead. It's okay.
Gabe: Oh, is it okay with you? Because if it's not, you work for me, so...

Chelsea's Mom: Chelsea, give Mr. Lincoln your hat so I can take a picture.
Gabe: Okay, Quick.
Man: Hey! Lincoln's starting.
Gabe: Oh, uh, no. No, no, no, no. I'm, uh, I'm actually with a tour group myself, so- [laughter] Hello! I'm Abraham Lincoln! Some people call me the great emancipator, but, uh, you might know me from the penny. [laughter]

Gabe: [as Lincoln] I just don't understand. It's 1865, victory is ours, I've saved the very soul of our nation, and yet... happiness eludes me. Oh, perhaps a trip to the theater will enliven my spirits.
Audience: No!