Jim: Okay, the limo's gonna be here at five. I need everybody to be ready ‘cause I want to pack in a lot.
Zeke: Party time! Whorehouse!
Jim: Uh, no. No whorehouse. This is Dwight's night, okay?
Zeke: Well, you're the bestisch mensch.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Dwight has made me his bestisch mensch. Which is Schrute for best man. He's putting himself entirely in my hands tonight. And I know for over 12 years I've done nothing but trick and prank him but tonight, only good surprises. "Guten Pranken". [chuckles]

Dwight K. Schrute: Oh hey, Jim. I forgot to mention. Oftentimes, in Hollywood portrayals of bachelor parties, there are accidental murders. That won't be necessary tonight.
Clark: Great, now we got three hours to fill.
Jim: Okay, hold on. Are you sure Mose isn't going to show up?
Dwight K. Schrute: Ever since Angela moved in and Mose had to stop sleeping at the foot of my bed, he's been acting pretty weird about this whole wedding thing.
Jim: Mose has been weird? That's so unlike him.

Dwight K. Schrute: I thought you guys couldn't come.
Darryl: Yeah, but then they moved the panel to the same weekend and the doc crew paid to fly us in. It was kismet.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Kismet? Yeah, right. Pam and I came up with excuses for every other weekend. You remember my two lap band surgeries, right? Neither do I? "Guten Prank" number one.

Mose: Guten Prank.
Jim: Yes, Mose. Guten Prank number three.

Woman #1: Uh, Jim, that DVD in the last episode was so romantic. And, um, I think we'd all love to know, Pam, what romantic thing did you do to pay Jim back for leaving Athlead?
Pam: Well, I mean, how do you pay back someone for something like that? But, uh, I don't know. I'm working on something.
Jim: She pays me back every day just by being my wife, so that's fine.
All: Awww.
Jim: O-kay.

Jim: Hey, Dwight? As sempai, do you ever think that there's gonna be a day where humans and robots can peacefully coexist?
Dwight K. Schrute: Impossible. The way they're programmed- You're mocking me.
Jim: No, I'm not.
Dwight K. Schrute: Well, let me offer you a little piece of advice. I am not afraid to make an example out of you.
Jim: Well, that's not advice. What advice sounds like is this: Don't ever bring your purple belt to work because someone might steal it.

Pam: Hey, Charles.
Charles: Nice day, huh?
Jim: Yeah.
Charles: Must be nice to get a rest from all your rest.
Jim: I don't get it. He's not even my boss anymore.
Pam: Do you want me to beat him up for you?
Jim: No, I shouldn't have to ask you to do stuff like that. You should just do it.

Michael Scott: Why do I feel like crap?
Jim: You just had a rebound.
Michael Scott: I had a rebound.
Jim: Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction. But, when it's over, you're left thinking about the girl you really like, the one that broke your heart.

Jim: I know Pam better than anyone in this office, and obviously she's gone crazy, but everybody wants to say that I'm crazy. But I'm not crazy, she's crazy. I'm not crazy, she's crazy. [reading from various books] Five to seven minutes. Five to seven minutes. Six minutes. Different, but not really. Five to seven minutes.

Pam: Oh my gosh, is that champagne?
Jim: Si, senor.
Pam: Oh, Jim I should have told you I didn't get the job.
Jim: Oh man. I'm so sorry. Are you alright?
Pam: Oh, yeah. I'm more than alright. There's just nothing to celebrate.
Jim: Are you kidding? We're in Philly. We're having dinner together. And this is just consolation champagne. It's from the part of France that immediately gave up to the Nazis. Here.
Pam: [laughs] You're very quick on your feet. I remember you. Funny.