Pam: Okay, greatest strength.
Jim: Okay, okay.
Pam: A dog-like obedience to authority.
Jim: Nice.
Pam: But that doesn't sound good.
Jim: Okay, okay. How about the ultimate team player?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Dwight is special. But I don't believe that his talents are being used in this office. So Pam and I have put his resume on Monster.com, Google, Craig's List. We're really interested most in jobs that take Dwight out of state. Preferably Alaska or India.

Pam: Oh, um, it's just, I didn't, I didn't have a lot of time, so that's just a place holder.
Jim: Right. Of course. "The Adventures of Jimmy Halpert." Oh, my God. This is awesome! That's my bike. That's my desk. And that is my daughter.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: I mean... [speechless]

Jim: Pam's doing great. Uh, she's ten inches dilated now. Uh, sorry, meters. Centimeters. And she's also fully effaced. Which I don't know what that is, uh, but no baby yet. It's only been six, uh, nineteen hours, and uh, I just went out for some ice chips because I might have passed out a little bit, but these are very refreshing, very good.

Jim: I don't think you're good at making tough decisions!
Michael Scott: Ah.
Jim: At thinking out the options, and then stating that decision very clearly, especially when it's an unpopular decision.
Michael Scott: Okay, here's a tough decision for you. You suck! You suck! Is that clear enough for you?!
Jim: Michael. Wait. But maybe I'm here for a reason, because I might have some good ideas, too. I've been sitting out there, and I've been learning a lot, and maybe I can just bring something different to the table.

Andy: Tuna, how come you never try to set me up?
Jim: Oh, I don't really do that. But Pam might have some friends, though.
Andy: Women friends?
Jim: Yep.
Andy: Not guy friends?
Jim: Are you interested in her guy friends?
Andy: No. I mean, for the record, I prefer women.
Jim: Okay.
Andy: But off the record, I'm kinda confused.
Jim: Really?
Andy: Yeah, the evidence is sort of stacked against me, I feel like...
Jim: Well, you gotta figure this out.
Andy: Yeah, right?
Jim: Yeah!
Andy: How?
Jim: You gotta have sex with a woman.
Andy: Right-o.
Jim: And a man.
Andy: Ohh...
Jim: And then compare.
Andy: Oh. Alright.

Jim: So what's your strategy for this race?
Pam: Well, I'm gonna start fast.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Pam: Then I'm gonna run fast in the middle.
Jim: What?
Pam: Then I'm gonna end fast.
Jim: Why won't more people do that?
Pam: 'Cause they're stupid.
Jim: [looking at the camera] What?

Jan: Michael! Michael! What what are you doing to him?
Officer #1: Sir, do you have any other place you could stay? Maybe with one of your friends here?
Dwight K. Schrute: Michael can come home with me.
Michael Scott: Jim, Pam?
Jim: Oh, my apartment's on fire.
Pam: [whispers] Flooded.
Jim: Flooded.

Jim: Probably the weirdest thing about Pam being gone will be lunch, actually. But it will force me to become acquaintances with people I consider coworkers.

Jim: Charles is having Kevin cover the phones for a while. How do I say this diplomatically? I think Kevin is doing exactly as well as anyone might have expected someone like him to perform in a position like that.

Jim: Truthfully, it wasn't the way he fell in. It was... how long it took him to get out.