Joey: So, you nervous about getting married?
Chandler: What are you doing?
Joey: Look, let's pretend it's a real bachelor party, okay. You know, before your wedding. It'll be more fun.
Chandler: All right. I can't believe tomorrow's the big day.
Joey: How's it feel knowing you're never gonna be with another woman again. Knowing you're going to have to wake up to the same face every day until you finally have the sweet release of death.
Chandler: You're right. This is more fun.

Joey: Congratulations. You just got married.
Ross: I know. Can you believe that?
Phoebe: Wait. I'm sorry. What's the big deal about a holiday card?
Ross: Married couples send out cards. Families send out cards. People who've been dating for a couple of months do not send out cards. What is she crazy?
Joey: Hey, hey, hey. That's your wife you're talking about!

Ross: Wow. This picture of you sure is steamy.
Joey: Oh, yeah. That's just a little something for my huge gay fan base.
Ross: Did you just wink at me?
Joey: Hey, you're the one who loves the picture.

Joey: She looks so real. You know what I mean.

Hayley: What a great dinner.
Joey: Yeah. Thanks again for letting me have that last piece of cake at the restaurant.
Hayley: You're welcome again. I'm gonna go make some coffee. Can I get you anything?
Joey: Do you have any cake?

Joey: Hey, how about this? Wanna be an extra on my show?
Phoebe: You could do that?
Joey: Yeah. The pay's pretty good, and you could do it for as long as you need.
Phoebe: Oh, my God. I'm gonna be on TV.
Joey: Okay, now I gotta tell you, being on TV isn't as glamorous and exciting as you think.
Phoebe: Oh, really?
Joey: No, it is awesome.

Rachel: Let's kick this into high gear, huh? Yeah, baby! I'll show you how we do it!
Joey: No, no, no! You kneed me in my misters!
Rachel: What? Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. Joey? Are you okay?
Joey: Soldier down.

Joey: Rachel and Phoebe are already there, so they probably started without us. We could just slip in, and no one needs to know where we were.
Ross: You may want to lose the foam finger.
Joey: Oh, no, no, no. You just want to put it on your hand.

Joey: If you love this house so much then you should just live here, okay? I just hope you get used to that weird humming sound. [humming]
Monica: Joey, we know that's you.
Joey: No -[humming]- it's not. [continues humming]

Joey: Did you hear that, you guys? You're gonna get to stay here. And, and it's good, you know, 'cause, 'cause now you have a reason to come visit.
Chandler: I think there may be another reason. ... So awkward hug or lame cool guy handshake?
Joey: Uh, lame cool guy handshake, yeah.