Emily: I'm in the States with your sister and friends. It's all over with Colin. I came here to tell you that and to tell you- Yes, Joey, you can have all the chocolate you want, just take it.

Chandler: I was just at the bank. And there was this really hot teller and she didn't ask me to do it with her in the vault.
Joey: Same kind of thing happened to me. Woman pizza delivery guy comes over, gives me the pizza and leaves.
Chandler: What, no "Nice apartment, bet the bedrooms are huge"?
Joey: Nothing.
Chandler: You know what? We have to turn off the porn.
Joey: I think you're right.

Cecilia Monroe: So when Jessica kisses a man she usually puts both her hands on the man's face.
Joey: Yeah, I notice that. Is that because she's so passionate?
Cecilia Monroe: No, it's because that way the camera only sees her.

Joey: Well, the wedding is the same day as my niece's christening and I want my parents to see me. I mean, my part's in the beginning. I'm not in the rest of the show- Wedding.
Monica: The wedding starts at 6.
Joey: Okay. Okay. I totally hear you. Oh, how about this? I vamp till they get there.
Monica: You'll "vamp"?
Joey: Yeah, yeah. Like warm up the crowd. I'll ask where they're from. Because in Joey Tribbianni, you get a minister and an entertainer. I'm a "ministainer." There's no one better. There's no one greater.

Joey: Hey, don't worry. I'm still ordained from your wedding.
Monica: Really?
Joey: Yeah. You think I'd give up being a minister and start paying to ride the subway?
Ross: Ministers don't ride the subway for free.
Joey: I had to read the Bible pretty carefully, but, yeah, we do.

Ross: Oh, my God!
Phoebe: Unbelievable!
Joey: Hey, you know what might help?
Ross: I'm not getting you a muffin!