Paula: Come on, let's not freak Frankie out. I mean, the PSATS aren't the only thing that help a kid get into college. That's why Greg volunteered in the Gulf last summer, cleaning the oil off baby pelicans.
Nancy: Oh. And Sean interned at the capitol.
Frankie: Okay, come on, guys. They're juniors. Isn't this all a little nuts? I mean, we didn't do any of this stuff when we were kids, right?
Nancy: Oh, it's much different now. Did you hear about what happened to Doug Hornburg? He did everything right. Great grades, community service, nailed his SATS. He applied to ten schools and didn't get into one. Now he lives at home and works for the city, picking up dead animals.

Nancy: Well, isn't this a hoot, running into you? What are the odds? We should buy a lottery ticket. [giggles]
Paula: Hey, that's a lot of candy.
Frankie: Ugh. Brick's class. Apparently, it's not enough to just give out cards anymore. Now you gotta tape on little candy hearts and lollipops. I could smack the mom that started that tradition.
Nancy: Uh-oh. It might have been me. [all laugh]

Nancy: Remember, Orsonites, stay with your floats. I'm not naming names, but some boys have been seen running around with egg cartons and silly string... the Glossners. Now, sleep tight, 'cause Don's Oriental Food is providing free coffee and crullers at 6:00 AM!

Nancy: Has anyone seen Ron Cougar Mellencamp? Does anyone have eyes on Ron Cougar Mellencamp?!

Frankie: Nancy, I'm fine. In fact, I'm great. For the first time, I am free from the holidays. You get brainwashed into thinking if you don't go overboard, the whole world's gonna fall apart. I'm telling you, it's the magazines and the papers and the malls... all a part of this giant corporate thing called "big Christmas."
Nancy: Frankie, what are you saying?
Frankie: It was said, "Unto them a leader was born to show them a new path." Oh, Nancy, take off your pants and join me.
Nancy: But... But you have to have the smell of cookies baking.
Frankie: Do you, Nancy? Do you?
Nancy: What about wrapping the garage door like a giant Christmas present? The custom-made nutcracker for each member of the family?
Frankie: Imagine a world where you don't do those things. Imagine a world where you don't stay up till 3:00 in the morning making your white-chocolate-covered pretzel rings. What would happen, Nancy? What if you just said... "No"?
Nancy: I got to go! I'm caroling later!
Frankie: Coward!

Frankie: [v.o.] Out here in the middle, if you go out of town, your neighbors look out for you. They'll bring in your mail, water your plants, and sometimes they even take care of your dead aunt's emphysemic old dog.
Nancy: Oh, she was no problem at all.
Frankie: Oh, wow! Where's the wagon? And the oxygen tank?
Nancy: You know what? After a few days, she just perked right up. And we weaned her off all the pills. You just needed to regenerate lung tissue, didn't you? Oh, yes, you did!
Frankie: And the diaper?
Nancy: Yeah, she hasn't had any accidents.
Frankie: But we could still use it when we want to sleep in, right?
Nancy: I guess. Oh, and we've been feeding her only chicken and rice. I figured you wouldn't get to make any till tomorrow, so here's some to give her for dinner.
Frankie: Wow. She looks so young and vibrant. Maybe I should stay with you for a few days. [both laugh] Okay, Doris, you ready to come home?

Nancy: Frankie, it's okay to notice if someone is nice or attractive. [sighs] When Dottie's guitar teacher comes over, I might sneak an extra peek or two. I mean, with his ponytail and the way he comes in the house and kicks off his shoes, he just seems so... dangerous.
Frankie: Okay, so, if... if Sean happened to overhear you say something about Dottie's guitar teacher, wouldn't be so bad, right?
Nancy: Oh, no. I'd be mortified.
Frankie: [scoffs] Pretty much where I am now.
Nancy: Oh, Frankie.
Frankie: Oh. [sighs deeply]

Frankie: Okay, Nancy, I can assure you we did not have a luau. And just so you know, we went out with the Norwoods, too. Paula called me special. Anyway, for whatever reason, out of nowhere, Mike decided he wanted to wear a Hawaiian shirt.
Nancy: Oh. Yep. Ron went through this, too.
Frankie: What do you mean?
Nancy: Well, when men get to a certain age, they suddenly want to do something different. With Ron, it was taking karate and ordering thin-crust pizza. It's like I was living with a stranger. Anyway, it's a midlife crisis. Or, as Dr. Oz likes to call it, "man-opause." They all go through it.

Nancy: Hey, Mike! Just going to get the meat for the giant hamburger I'm gonna make after homecoming. Lucky we'll have a spatula big enough to flip it! I'm sorry about the trash talk. Ron made me say that.

Paula: Oh, my God. Sean, is that you?
Nancy: He's just trying it out. Doesn't mean anything. Jesus had a beard. And Jim Henson. And none of them were doing drugs, I can tell you that.
Frankie: [chuckles] What's with the new look?
Sean: I don't know. You just get to a point where you start asking, "what is the real me?" I'm just letting it ride, you know?
Nancy: No, they don't know. Nobody knows. Nobody has any idea what you're talking about.
Sean: I'm gonna go get a veggie burger.
Nancy: Are you trying to hurt me?