Frankie: I have got to fix this. Sue has to stand up for herself. If this isn't worth the fight, Mike, I don't know what is. Hey, Sue! Get in here! You know what this is? A teachable moment. I saw that on Oprah. Or Project Runway or something. I don't remember, but it's teachable.

Frankie: We're pathetic, Mike. Pathetic. Our parents would have never put up with this.
Mike: Hmm.
Frankie: I hated green peppers, but my mom always made me eat them, 'cause that's what we had. On Thursdays, I had to choke down those green peppers.
Mike: My dad watched The Hoosier Farm Report every night. And guess what I watched? The Hoosier Farm Report.
Frankie: And here's our kids stretched out on our couch, watching our big TV, eating like kings, and we're standing here hunched over the counter, eating crappy shreds of chicken from the taco place. How did we let this happen? When did this start?
Mike: I don't know. But I'll tell you when it stops.
Frankie: No, no. That clock is broken. Axl was playing ball in the house after I told him not to.
[Mike walks into the living room and takes the TV remote from Axl]
Axl: What are you doing?
Mike: I'll tell you what we're doing. We're taking back the house.

Frankie: [v.o.] So Mother's Day was here, and I woke up to a sound I'd never heard before... Silence.
Frankie: Mike? Axl? Brick? Sue?
Frankie: [v.o.] I didn't know what to do first. Read... Sleep... Ooh, watch Oprah... Ooh, maybe I'd even go to the bathroom without someone pounding on the door. Damn it. Don't have to go. Since I accidentally borrowed a few People magazines from my last dentist visit, I decided to read. And then I remembered something, I'm blind. But when I went to the junk drawer for my glasses, stupid thing was stuck. But you know what? Not a problem. I had a whole free day ahead of me, and I'd been wanting to fix that drawer for weeks. An hour later, I was done. Now I just had to put the giant screwdriver back where it belonged, and the rest of the day was mine.
Frankie: Oh, there's that flashlight. [sighs]
Frankie: [v.o.] So I decided to go through the batteries because you gotta have a flashlight in the house with batteries. But when I went to put it in Mike's nightstand, it was stuck, too. And then I found something you never want to find in your husband's nightstand. Something I couldn't ignore. An unpaid gas bill.
Frankie: [on the phone] Billing! Billing! I pressed "4." I want to talk to a human. Human! Yuck.
Frankie: [v.o.] And then after defrosting the freezer and scotchgarding the winter shoes, I don't even know how I ended up here.
Frankie: Crap. [pulls watch out of the toilet] Oh, no!
Frankie: [v.o.] It can't be 7:45! This can't be happening. I blew my whole Mother's Day.

Mike: How was your day?
Frankie: It was the best, Mike. The best. Brick and I spent the whole day at Ehlert's just hanging and laughing and talking. And the coolest part is that I really think Brick got how much he means to me and that he's not the forgotten third kid, you know? Oh, and his favorite color's yellow, by the way. And the reason he rolls up his pajama bottoms is 'cause he's worried he's gonna trip in his dreams. Oh!
Mike: Glad you guys had fun. Where is he? Brick. Brick.
Frankie: Oh, my God. I left him at work.

Frankie: Let me explain. This wouldn't happen under normal circumstances, but my son and I were taking drugs together...
Sandy Armwood: [sighs] Frankie... Isn't it time? Isn't it time you accept the fact that you don't have what it takes to make it in the high-pressure world of dental assisting? Why don't you do yourself a favor? Why don't you walk out that door and find something more your speed, like... running a hair extension kiosk at the mall?
Frankie: You think I'm just gonna walk out of here? That I'm just gonna quit because you told me to? Well, let me tell you something about myself I... am a quitter. A lifelong quitter. Girl Scouts? Quit. Piano lessons when they started with two hands? Quit. Working out at Curves? Quit in the middle of signing up for the membership. Every volunteer thing at my kids' school, quit, quit, quit. Oh, and I only got through 20 Shades of Grey. So if I quit-- and yeah, I might if it gets too hard I'm gonna do it on my terms. It might be tomorrow. It might be next week. It might be the week after! But definitely not today.
Sandy Armwood: Okay.

Frankie: I've seen enough episodes of Castle to know that something is not right in this picture. The glass is evenly laid out. The rock is placed just so. It's all a little too neat.
Mike: Only in this house would broken glass all over the floor be considered neat.
Frankie: Hmm.

Frankie: All right, just a heads-up, the finale of The Bachelor is on tomorrow night. So if you want dinner, you're gonna have to drive and get it yourself.
Mike: Okay.
Frankie: Hey, if you wanna take me on a romantic helicopter ride over a volcano in Hawaii, be my guest. Until then, this is my escape.
Mike: I thought The Oscars were your escape.
Frankie: I have a lot to escape from, okay?

Frankie: [v.o.] So that night, I deleted all my Facebook aliases. And Sue was sadly unfriended by Jill Munroe, Sabrina Duncan, Julie McCoy, and Chrissy Snow. But on the upside, she did get 102 likes on one of her pictures... [picture of Sue with Brick's bunnies and kittens] Not that it matters.

Mike: Frankie.
Frankie: I just... I mean... [sighs] Is that it? 'Cause I have things I wanted to tell him.
Mike: We've been telling him things for 18 years. If he hasn't got it yet, he never will.
Frankie: Okay. I just... thought it would be more of a moment, you know?
Mike: Yeah. Well, he's only 42 minutes away.
Frankie: [sighs deeply] Okay. Okay. Bye, Kenny. Nice to meet you. You boys study hard. But not too hard. Have some fun, too. That's what college is all about. Your whole life is waiting. And remember, you can't discover new lands without leaving the shore. That was on Oprah. Or in the Bible. Anyway, don't be afraid to try new things. But not drugs. And you shouldn't eat mayonnaise if it's been sitting out for more than two hours. [cries] This is just so hard. [hugs Kenny]
Mike: I know. It's hard to say goodbye to Kenny.

Mike: Don't be so sensitive, Frankie. They were teasing you. They tease me, too. Remember the time I missed a belt loop?
Frankie: Really, Mike? That's it? That's the best you got? You may not realize it, but I get teased around here all the time way more than you.
[flashback:]
Sue: Mom, that's hilarious! You don't have to type "www" before you put in a website anymore. Guys! Hey, guys, guess what mom just did! Yeah, no... She's so old!
[flashback:]
Frankie: [sneezes] Oh, you know, I think I'm "allerngic" to this blanket.
Brick: Did you hear that, Dad? Mom's "allerngic"!
Frankie: Okay, ha, ha. I mispronounced one little word. Give me a break.
Mike: Hey, why are you raising the "vulume"?
Sue: Oh, come on, mom. Don't walk away "mud."
Brick: You're favorite "proogrom's" on!
Mike: Aw, come back! "Frunkie"!