Axl: Somebody in our family better be dead right now, and not some weird cousin I've never met. I'm talking dad, Brick, or Sue.
Frankie: Nobody's dead, but if you don't get in my car right now, it can be arranged.
Axl: Just go, please, and I'll meet you outside in three minutes. [whispers] I promise.
Frankie: Yeah. You already promised to be home by 11:30, so I think the promise ship has sailed. Hi, Sean.
Axl: Oh! [grunts] You don't wanna do this, Mom, seriously. This is the most embarrassing thing any parent has ever done, ever.
Frankie: You sure about that? [dances] Ooh. I like this song.
Axl: What are you doing?
Frankie: I don't know. This groove kinda makes me feel like... gettin' down.
Axl: Mom, no. Don't do this to me. [Darren dances with Frankie] This is my last high school party. I can't end like this. Darrin! [laughter] [pulls hoodie over head and runs out] No! No!

Frankie: Okay. Got the new Thanksgiving schedule. It's a little funky. We're gonna have to eat dessert on the way home. And there's one patch midday where I'm gonna have to be in two places at the same time. But I think a test drive or a long bathroom break will take care of it. So, yeah, I think I pretty much nailed it.
Brick: I don't see the corn maze on here. It's only open in the morning, then they're plowing it down.
Frankie: Brick, I'm gonna teach you a little phrase that I think will come in very handy. I call it, "Oh, well."
Axl: You know, we went to Disneyland before you were born. It was awesome.
Frankie: [v.o.] Poor Brick. He was the forgotten third child. But there was no way I could go back in to Mr. Ehlert. He was gonna have to understand that.
[cut to Frankie in Mr. Ehlert's office:]
Frankie: Now the kidney is coming on an earlier flight. I need to switch to the morning so I can drive the kidney to the hospital. It's an HMO.

Axl: You are the worst mother ever!
Frankie: Oh, tell me something I don't know.
Axl: Do you know how many years of cool you just erased with your stupid mama pajama dance?
Frankie: Hey, I thought very hard before I pulled that rip cord, but it's the only weapon I have left.
Axl: You know, you have been impossible lately. Maybe you should stop trying to boss me around all the time and talk to me like a person.
Frankie: What?! All I've been trying to do is talk to you, and you just keep running away. You gave me your word that you would be home an hour ago. "I'm Axl. I just give people my word without even thinking about what it means."
Axl: Oh, we're doing impressions now? Hmm? Okay. "I'm Mom. Uh, I never stop talking, and I'm in your face 24 hours a day."
Frankie: All right, that's it. I'm sick of your attitude! Get out of my sight!
Axl: Fine!
Frankie: Don't you walk away from me!

Frankie: [v.o.] As I watched my first son about to become a high school graduate, I realized that Mike was right. There is a natural order to things, and by the time they go, you're ready.
Principal Cameron: Axl Heck.
Sean: Whoo!
Frankie: [voice breaking] I'm not ready! [sobs]
Principal Cameron: Brian Hedberg.
Frankie: [sobs] Oh, no.
Principal Cameron: Good luck at computer school.
Frankie: I'm not ready! [sobs]
Principal Cameron: Mark Hef- [Frankie sobbing loudly] Mark Hefferman. [Frankie cries] Jessica [sobbing continues] Sarah Humphreys.

Sue: [Frankie hugs her] Mom, since there's no party, would it be okay if I went over to Carly's and showed her my license? Please? I have been waiting for this day for so long.
Frankie: [exhales deeply] Sure.
Sue: Aah!
Frankie: [hugs Brick] Never leave me.
Brick: Don't worry. I won't. [whispers] Worry. Whoop!
Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, all the work that goes into raising a kid the heartache, the laughter, the worry, the tears it really does go by in the blink of an eye. And all those annoying little things that seemed so important... who even remembers what they were?

Frankie: [v.o.] So the day of the social worker visit had arrived, and we all pulled together to make a good impression.
Axl: How do I look?
[Axl is wearing a Halloween knife through his head]
Frankie: Take that off. Damn it, Axl, take it off!
Axl: [chuckles] Don't hit me.
Frankie: Not funny, Axl. Not funny.

Frankie: [sighs] I still have so much to do. I got to run out and buy wrapping paper, I got to get out the dancing Santa, I got to set up the Christmas village. Although I don't know why I bother. The only one who even notices is Axl, and that's just so he can put the villagers in compromising positions.

Mike: Listen, how important is this whole anniversary thing to you anyway?
Frankie: Really?!
Mike: I'm just saying, it can't be that important. You didn't even remember it a week ago.
Frankie: Look, I know you want me to say it's fine, and usually, I would just do the cheerleader thing that I do, and play my role and be cool with whatever half-assed crap is easy for you, but it's our silver anniversary, so, yeah, it's important.
Mike: Okay, then.
Frankie: Okay.