Frankie: Hey, you got mail on the counter.
Axl: Oh, yeah? What's it say?
Frankie: How would I know? It's addressed to you.
Axl: Mm. Ooh. "Dear Axl, so nice to hear from you after all of these years. Your thank-you note brightened my day with laughter. You always were a charming fellow. Here's $2. Treat yourself to a video. Uncle Ralph."
Frankie: Aww. Uncle Ralph's a great guy. Don't forget to write him a thank-you note for that money.
Axl: [drops to the ground] Noooooo!
Frankie: [v.o.] Unfortunately for Axl, he got 10 more responses, totaling $8... all requiring thank-yous. Well, it's like they say... "No good deed goes unpunished."

Sue: Oh, Axl. Okay, so, I'm applying for this scholarship, and it's really hard to get, and I really want it, and I need three words to describe myself.
Axl: Annoying, dorky, looks good in hats.
Sue: You think I look good in hats? [gasps] Aww.

Axl: You really got to talk to your husband.
Frankie: Ugh, why?
Axl: 'Cause he's on me all the time lately, just looming over me. You know, he thinks anything I do he can do better.
Frankie: [chuckles] Like the song?
Axl: What song?
Frankie: "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better."
Axl: Never heard of it. Don't sing it! I just need you to talk to him.
Frankie: Why don't you talk to him?
Axl: 'Cause I can't talk to him. He'll be all like... [growls]
Frankie: I don't know what that means.
Axl: I think you do.
Frankie: I totally do. That's why I'm making you be the one who has to talk to him.

Mike: Did you get those chips I wanted?
Axl: Uh, no.
Mike: See? What did I say before you left? "Write it down." You didn't and you forgot.
Axl: I didn't forget. They were out.
Mike: They were out?
Axl: It's what I said.
Mike: The entire Frugal Hoosier? Out of chips?
Axl: No, Dad, I'm lying to you. It's how I get my kicks. Look, I didn't forget any chips. If there were chips, you would have chips, but there were no chips, so I didn't get the chips. But I did not forget the chips.
[cut to Axl talking to Brick in their room:]
Axl: I forgot the chips.
Brick: Did you remember my juice boxes?
Axl: They were out.

Axl: Look, Dad, I feel like you weirdly don't believe me about the chips, so I'm gonna call the Frugal Hoosier and prove it. [dials phone]
Mike: I really don't care that much, Axl.
Axl: No, no, no. I want to.
Brick: [on the phone] [Southern accent] Frugal Hoosier, deli department. Dustin speaking.
Axl: Hello, Dustin. I was just there, and you said you were out of chips?
Brick: What? Out of chips? Hey, Harry. We out of chips? Sorry, man. We're out of chips. But we do currently have a special on sub sandwiches... buy three feet, get three feet free.
Axl: Okay. Thanks, man. Bye.
Mike: Sounds like a good deal on subs there. You got to take a good deal when you see one. Why didn't you think to bring one home?
Axl: I did.
[cut to Axl and Brick making a large party sub on Axl's bed:]
Axl: Shut up.

Mike: You got a really good deal there. Want to grab a beer to celebrate? I'll spring for a name brand.
[Mike and Axl both walk around and grab the driver's side door handle]
Axl: Are you kidding me?
Mike: What?
Axl: This is my car.
Mike: Yeah, I know, but I always drive.
Axl: Oh, that's right. You always drive. And you always know the best way to cook eggs and to squeeze toothpaste and to get a deal on a car. You know everything and I know nothing. It's just like that song.
Mike: What song?
Axl: I don't know. Apparently, there's a song.

Axl: O-kay. So, we're here to get another part for the toilet or...?
Mike: Ah, flapper valves. So, you've had a couple days to think about it. How ya feeling about Denver?
Axl: I don't know. I wake up in the morning, and I think, "I'm doing it. I'm taking the job." And then I go to bed and Mom sneaks in while she thinks I'm asleep and whispers mean things about Denver in my ear, and I start thinking... I don't know. Maybe she's got a point. Maybe I should just stay.
Mike: In your mom's defense, there's a thin line between crazy and love.
Axl: Yeah. You're, um, gonna want to get one of these, too. Sometimes with the older toilets, the water level's low 'cause of a defective overflow tube. Oh! You see? I know so much about plumbing now. Do you realize I can name 38 different kinds of shower heads? I am a shower head savant. I know nothing about camping equipment. But on the other hand, I've always kind of wanted more than this, you know?

Frankie: Hey, do you want me to make you a homemade breakfast to celebrate? Huh? Freezer pancakes? Freezer eggs? I will stick anything in that microwave that you want.
Axl: Freezer eggs sound good.
Frankie: Okay, you got it. So... have you told your brother and sister the big news?
Axl: No, I was thinking maybe I could Snapchat 'em. You know what? Why don't I knock that off the list right now?
Frankie: Axl, they're right down the hall. You gotta tell 'em.
Axl: Ugh, it's gonna be a whole thing. Can't we just put on a movie the day of and I can sneak out past 'em? That's how Dad would do it. [off Frankie's look] Fine.

Sue: Axl. Just Just promise me that before you go, we'll have a moment. You know, like a real brother/sister moment.
Axl: Isn't that what we're doing right now?
Brick: Whatever you're doing, can you move a scosh to the right?
Axl: Brick, do you not get it?! I'm leaving! Like, moving out of the state!
Brick: I know.
Axl: And you're just worried about moving the bed? The... Oh, my God.
Sue: [sobs] Ugh!
Axl: The bed I slept next to you in for your whole life? This is our room, Brick. We shared secrets and stories and... Sue! Stop crying so loud so I can hear Brick!

Axl: Sue. Can I, uh, talk to you a minute?
Sue: Yeeees?
Axl: [sighs] You know, obviously, I'm leaving in a couple of days, and I won't be seeing you guys for a while...
Sue: Uh-huh.
Axl: ...which is kind of a big deal.
Sue: Uh-huh.
Axl: So... [sighs] Why do you think Brick isn't gonna miss me?
Sue: W... I don't know, Axl. I'm not really focused on Brick right now. Kinda more focused on you.
Axl: Which you should be. So why isn't Brick?
Sue: Axl, I'm pretty devastated that you're leaving, so...
Axl: Which is the right response, so what do you think is up with Brick?
Sue: Pbht.
Axl: So, are you gonna ask him, or...