Axl: The point is, I no longer need my car, which means one of you two lucky recipients is about to be the proud owner of a brand-new...ly acquired, mid-sized, style-free, gray sedan.
Sue: Wait, wait, wait. If anyone's getting the car, it should be me. I'm older.
Brick: No, I should get it. You already have Aunt Edie's car.
Axl: Whoa, hey! I've already decided who's getting the car. Okay? The winner of this competition. [rubs palms]
Sue: Okay, Axl, that is ridiculous. We're not a couple of trained poodles just waiting around to dance...
Axl: First question! What's my favorite sandwich?
Sue: I know this one! Cereal on white bread.
Axl: Sorry. You didn't buzz in.
Brick: Buzz! What is cereal on white bread?
Sue: I didn't know I had to buzz in.
Axl: What game show do you not buzz in?

Axl: All right, next question. Does Sue or does Sue not keep her old braces in a drawer next to her bed?
Sue: [gasps] How did you know that?
Brick: Buzz! Yes.
Axl: Wow, Sue. That was supposed to be easy. I was throwing you a bone on that one. Speaking of bones, what is my most clever reference to Sue as a dog?
Sue: [gasps] Oh! Licks up my own barf. Buzz! Licks up my own barf.
Axl: That is correct! And the judges would have also accepted "pees on trees."
Sue: Yes!
Axl: What game did we play when we were out camping where we used all the old game pieces?
Mike: [o.s.] Battleboggleopoly.
Sue: Wha... Dad, that's not fair! Are you playing or not?! Is he playing or not? Also, what's the rule about buzzing in? 'Cause sometimes you only accept buzzes, and sometimes you don't accept buzzes...

Mike: Okay, car's all packed.
Axl: Just tell me you got the nunchucks in there.
Mike: I did. But really, Axl, aren't you tired of hitting yourself in the head?
Axl: I don't remember ever doing that.
Mike: Mm.

Lexie: Okay, I'm trying to be brave here, but I don't think I'm very good at being brave. But you know what I'm good at? Crying. I'm finding I'm surprisingly good at crying. I'm gonna try to make it out there in July, though, okay?
Axl: That's the seventh month, right?
Lexie: Right.
Axl: I love you.
Lexie: I love you, too. [they kiss]
Bill: Wooooooh! [clears throat] Oh, we're, uh, not all doing that?

Brick: Stop talking about human heads on animal bodies! You know that's my 43rd greatest fear!
Mike: That's it... phones back on! I'll pay for the overage. Man, this guy is driving nuts. What's your hurry, buddy?
Sue: Axl, stop pretending it would be a good thing to have your head on a horse body!
Axl: Too late! You put my head on a horse body, and everybody loves it. Actually, you know what? I changed my mind. You're right. It was wrong of me to put a horse's head on your body. It's not fair to the horse.
Sue: Shut up! Shut up your stupid face!
Axl: [neighs] Easy girl! Somebody go in the blue bag and get her a carrot.
Sue: Mom! [horn honks]
Frankie: Mike.
Mike: Axl.
Brick: Sean?

Frankie: [v.o.] I don't know why I worried. Axl did eventually move back to Orson.
Axl: Seriously? I thought I told you when I left for work this morning to clean this place up! Do you have to leave your socks everywhere?
Axl's 15-Year Old Son: Oh, my God! You're always on me!
Axl: Have you been on the couch all day?
Axl's 13-Year Old Son: It's called summer, Dad. Look into it.
Axl's 11-Year Old Son: Yeah, look into it!
Axl: Hey! What did your mom and I tell you? Watch the tone!
Frankie: [v.o.] Yep, Mike and I got the greatest revenge. He had three boys just like him.
Axl: Ugh.

Axl: [muffled] Brick! I got one week off between football and classes. I'm trying to get some sleep. You own three shirts. Pick one and hit the road.
Brick: Sorry. It's just seventh grade is a little more challenging than I thought it'd be.
Axl: Oh, my God. I don't care. Why are you trying to get close to me? I'm gone, man. Move on!

Axl: Yeah, or how about this... Banking With the Buttronauts.
Frankie: I think we all laughed at Flounder.
Axl: Oh, come on! I draw them awesome, and they're already trademarked.
Frankie: You trademarked the Buttronauts?
Axl: Um, hello? I'm a business major.

Axl: All right. Oh, we have got to toast this occasion with my new invention. It's called Bwine.
Hutch: Hmm.
Axl: Beer mixed with wine. This is my Bwhite Zinfandel.
Hutch: Hmm. Oh. [clears throat]
Axl: A coaster? Really?
Hutch: Wh-What? That table is genuine pressed wood. So, what else you doing to pay the bills, besides making moonshine?
Axl: Well, you know, still at Spudsy's. Really glad I got that business degree while I'm dolloping sour cream. [both laugh]

Axl: Well, you said it was impossible for me to miss 32 days of senior year and still graduate. Now who seems like the idiot? Huh?
Brick: Hey, do you guys want me to take a family picture? After all, I was class historian. I'm thinking about running again in middle school.
Axl: Actually, uh, could we get a picture first of just me and mom?
Frankie: Really? Oh. Okay.