Brick: I don't know. I'm a little concerned about safety here.
Axl: Were the astronauts concerned about safety when they flew to the Moon?
Brick: Presumably, yes.

Mike: What are you doing?
Axl: I'm packing my nunchucks for the trip.
Mike: Aw, that's great. The boy genius is packing his nunchucks. No one is letting you on a plane with nunchucks.
Axl: I believe you're thinking of toothpaste.
Mike: I'm not thinking of toothpaste!
Axl: All the stuff you know about air travel is what you've seen on the TV, but I'm doing the real thing.

Axl: I had the lowest of expectations, and I'm still disappointed.

Axl: Oh, my God, this conversation is so boring, yet just loud enough that I can't sleep through it.

Mike: How could we forget Mother's Day again? I count on you guys to remember this stuff.
Axl: How was I supposed to know it's even on a Sunday this year? I'm not a calendar.

Frankie: You forgot shoes? How does a person forget shoes?
Axl: How does a person forget a snack bag? I guess the shoes I'm not wearing are now on the other foot.
Mike: Well, we can't stop to get you any, genius. We're in the middle of nowhere.
Axl: Relax! I don't need 'em. I've been barefoot all summer. My feet are practically shoes now anyway. Check out these leathery dogs. [all groan in disgust]
Mike: Axl! Come on.
Axl: Oh, my God! You can't handle this, what are you taking us camping for? I mean, it'll be like going on vacation on the bottom of my foot.

Frankie: [v.o.] Sometimes you can talk and talk and not get through to your kid. And other times, you plant a seed, and your words take flower.
Frankie: Hey, Axl. Brought you a snack. How's it going in here, huh? You know, I'm really proud of what you're doing.
Axl: Does this look right to you?
Frankie: What is this?
Axl: I'm designing my band's CD cover. Does it look the flames are coming out of my butt? Because they're supposed to be coming out of the ax, but...
Frankie: You fool! You're supposed to be studying for the PSAT! The test is tomorrow!
Axl: I was gonna study for it later. I'm better under pressure.
Frankie: When have you ever been better under pressure?! When?!
Axl: I don't know! I can't think with you yelling at me!

Axl: Bam! You owe me a giant cookie.
Mike: What are you talking about?
Axl: Whenever we'd pass by Mrs. Gooch's in the mall, I'd ask for a giant cookie, and you'd always say, "If you get an A' on a report card, we'll get you a cookie." Well, in fifth grade English, I was one paper away from an A. This paper. If I had turned it in, I would have gotten an A. I want my cookie.
Frankie: But you didn't turn it in.
Axl: I'm just saying, I never worked so hard on anything in my life. This is the best thing I ever wrote.
Mike: "Fire trucks and why they're awesome."
Axl: Damn straight. I did it. I earned the A. I earned my cookie.
Frankie: Yeah, but you didn't get an A on your report card. You got a B.
Axl: But if I had turned it in, I would have gotten an A.
Mike: And you would have gotten a cookie okay.
Axl: [chuckles] Okay. You know why fire trucks are awesome? 'Cause when they promise to put out a fire, they do it. So unless the next words out of your mouth is, "Here's a giant cookie, Axl," this conversation is over!

Axl: [recording] This is my brother, and he's been very sick for a long time, with a horrible disease. Despite all the "Walks for Hope" and "Fun Runs," there is, as yet, no cure. [Brick coughs] This has been such a life-changing event for me, his brother, Axl Heck, Mrs. Johnson's sixth-period English.
Brick: It's the not knowing that's the hard part. Oh, and the dying. Actually, they're both hard.
Axl: I have to give my brother all these medicines every day.
[shot of a table containing over-the-counter products like Tums, Gas-X, Pepto Bismol, Midol, Bengay, Flintstones Gummies and Pez candy]
Brick: If I could give any advice, it'd be live, love, laugh.
Axl: Some would call it burden to care for a brother so sick with this horrible disease. I call it life-changing.
Brick: I just hope I can one day frolic in the sea. That's all. One day. In the sea.
Axl: So friggin' life-changing.

Mike: I'm just saying, East Indiana State is closer. You gotta consider that. We still don't know how much they're gonna play you, but I like the package they're putting together.
Axl: [mouth full] I don't want to be closer. I wanna be as far away from you people as possible. It's like when Tevye decided his town was too small, so he went on the flying car to New York to become a cop.
Mike: You do know that's three separate movies?