Amy: If you think there's honestly no difference, cancel it.
Jonah: Okay, great, yeah. I will, I'll do it... I'll do it tonight.
Amy: No time like the present.
Jonah: Okay. I'll do it now.
Amy: Great.
Jonah: It makes no difference to me. I mean, if you need this, then sure, let's, uh... I'm just gonna find the number. It's in an email so I gotta search for it for... just hang on one second. I keep meaning to update the new OS. You know what? I'm gonna just... I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna do that right now, real quickly. Ugh, "estimated wait time four hours"?
Amy: Hey, it's okay.
Jonah: It's... it's not me. It's the Wi-Fi. This is probably a router placement issue.

Amy: She just has such an attitude since the divorce. That's why I'm making her work here. I'm hoping she gets some discipline.
Jonah: And you're not worried that if you're too hard on her, Adam gets to be the good guy?
Amy: What? No.
Jonah: It's just that when my parents separated, they both wanted to be the favorite. I came home one day and my dad had gotten me a ten-disc box set of Churchill speeches.
Amy: And that was something you wanted?
Jonah: Uh, yeah. I'm still closer with him than I am with my mom. Although that might be because he doesn't send me long, pointless texts about book club.

Jonah: God, it feels good to help, you know. Word must be getting around.
Amy: Yeah, you're a real saint. Hey, I'm gonna need you to clean the men's room. Someone dumped chili in the urinal.
Jonah: You know what I mean though? To like actually accomplish something, even when the haters are calling you naive.
Amy: Mm-hmm.
Jonah: I wonder if this is how Obama felt when he passed Obamacare.
Amy: A lot of people still hate Obama.

Kelly: Okay, look, I get it up to Diamond Plus, but when you get down to Wall of Fire, it's like, "What?"
Isaac: Guys, we're making it too difficult. We just got to simplify. Cover everything, exclude no one, and make it affordable.
Garrett: Come on.
Jonah: Why didn't we think of that.

Mateo: Oh, my God, you know who I saw at the gas station the other day?
Jonah: Who?
Mateo: Mustard man.
Jonah: No!
Dina: [snooty British voice] How was he?
Garrett: [snooty British voice] Yes, was he pumping petrol?
Jonah: [snooty British voice] Where might I find the ah-loo-minium?
Dina: [snooty British voice] Right next to the vit-ah-mins.

Amy: "I'm her actual mother." What does that even mean?
Jonah: Hard to say. It either means she's the one who gave birth to her, or... that's the only thing that it means.
Amy: Well, it doesn't give her the right to just swoop in, and start changing up perfectly good shirts, and perfectly good parties. I mean, mermaids is a better theme than Green Day. Like, that's an objective fact, right?
Jonah: I like Green Day.
Amy: Really? Name three of their songs.
Jonah: "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," "Good Riddance," "When I Come Around."
Amy: Okay, well, those are the obvious ones... name three more.
Jonah: "Basket Case," "Longview," "American Idiot."
Amy: You are a very irritating person.
Jonah: I just don't think that you should butt in.
Amy: You... you butt in all the time. That's why your butt is so big.
Jonah: "Welcome to Paradise." "Wake Me Up When September Ends." I love Green Day.

Jonah: So, I know this may come as a surprise, but I actually got teased a lot in middle school.
Amy: [gasps] No.
Jonah: Yeah, I don't know if it was the rattail or the eighth grade talent show where I did a Bossa Nova rendition of "Material Girl" on alto sax...
Amy: That. It was that.
Jonah: But the moment I stopped fighting it and... and actually just laughed along with them, it wasn't fun for them anymore.
Amy: Mm.
Jonah: They started teasing this fat kid instead, which, long story short, he's a male model now.
Amy: Wow. You're really the hero of that story.
Jonah: I guess so.

Jonah: Look, Amy is not my soul mate, okay? Yes, fine, uh, when I first started working here years ago, I... I had a little crush on Amy. There, I said it. Okay? Are you happy?
Amy: Exactly. And at one point, I had a crush on Jonah, and that's all in the past.
Jonah: Exactly. Wait, what did... you... when did you... did... what... you... yeah... no. Never mind. Doesn't matter, doesn't matter, because if... even if we... because it... with the timing and everything, it's... yeah, so, you get it. So... stop. [chuckles]
Sandra: He didn't know.
Corey: Do you still love each other?
Jonah: Wh... What?
Amy: No! We never... [stammers] we've moved on.
Jonah: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And, you know... [stammers] and...... anyway, it... it... it doesn't matter, bec... we've... we've all, you know... and... and... and besides, you know, I've...... I'm with... I've got... I'm with, um...
Kelly: Kelly.
Jonah: I'm with Kelly. Yeah, no, I... I... I know your name, obviously.

Kelly: It's newly renovated, but it still has its original molding, and it's in walking distance to the farmer's market.
Garrett: That place looks great. You should take it.
Jonah: It just feels a little small, or claustrophobic, or something.
Kelly: Well, I mean, we're not going to find something perfect. I mean, you said the last one was too loud. The one before that was on a slant, and the one before that had a weird curry smell.
Jonah: And I actually like curry, but that was a bad curry. And the scary part is, like, what's it covering? What aren't you smelling?
Garrett: Just think. You'll get to wake up to stuff like that every day.

Amy: Just keep your eyes peeled. Tell me if you see her.
Jonah: Well, I mean, that's going to be tough. At these speeds, everything is just a blur.
Amy: Shut up. I'm not used to these things. Not everyone grew up going to country clubs.
Jonah: I feel like you just think of me as this like, spoiled rich kid who spent all of his time playing tennis and golf.
Amy: All right, well, what did you grow up playing?
Jonah: Mostly tennis and some golf.
Amy: Uh...
Jonah: And I was a pretty decent skier.
Amy: Ugh.