Sandra: Did anyone watch Vampire Diaries last night? Damien's really gotten out of control.
Dina: You stupid slut!
Mateo: Dina...
Dina: I can't hold it in any longer.
Garrett: What's happening?
Dina: Sandra is having an affair with Jeff.
Sandra: No.
Dina: Don't you deny it! You were seen kissing on the loading dock.
Garrett: Ooh, Sandra, Sandra, Sandra! That's crazy, boo! I didn't know you had it in you. Dish, girl.
Mateo: I don't think we need to be talking about that.
Garrett: Oh, I got questions, like, when did it start?
Sandra: [long silence] About two weeks ago. He pulled me into his Kia, and he said to me, "Sandra take out your taters." [all gasp] And I did. And I put them in his face.
Garrett: Ooh, yeah! [exclaiming]

Cheyenne: Why didn't they make it a superhero? You know, 'cause SuperCloud? And it could have, like, a cape or something, and, like, little cloud muscles.
Jeff: Yeah, wow, that's... Clean, it's simple, it's visual, that... is probably what it should've been. Damn. So all right, let's just move on. Here are some words we'd like you guys to pepper in to the conversation today whenever SuperCloud comes up, obviously, so "cool," "millennial," "on fleek..." Have to go back to the superhero mascot, I'm so sorry, that's just a home run.
Cheyenne: Yeah, and he could be saving people with savings.
Jeff: [bleep], that's good.

Jonah: Anyway, I just started driving, and... and then I saw that they were hiring here.
Rex: That's... that's great.
Jonah: Yeah.
Rex: Wow, I wouldn't have guessed that. I would've figured you were one of those guys who are on a voyage of self-discovery.
Jonah: Oh.
Rex: You know, backpacking through Asia, rolling cigars in Cuba.
Amy: Or, as Jonah would say, "Coo-ba."
Rex: He does that? [laughter]
Amy: Yeah.
Jonah: Should I be embarrassed that I pronounce it the way native Coo-banos do, or...?
Amy: You should.

Amy: If you think there's honestly no difference, cancel it.
Jonah: Okay, great, yeah. I will, I'll do it... I'll do it tonight.
Amy: No time like the present.
Jonah: Okay. I'll do it now.
Amy: Great.
Jonah: It makes no difference to me. I mean, if you need this, then sure, let's, uh... I'm just gonna find the number. It's in an email so I gotta search for it for... just hang on one second. I keep meaning to update the new OS. You know what? I'm gonna just... I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna do that right now, real quickly. Ugh, "estimated wait time four hours"?
Amy: Hey, it's okay.
Jonah: It's... it's not me. It's the Wi-Fi. This is probably a router placement issue.

Narrator: [on video] What does it mean to change? To embrace progress? To transform? Cloud 9 is pleased to announce that our in-store brand "Halo" has now become "SuperCloud." A new day has dawned.
Jeff: All right, there you have it. So it's a big day today. We start our rebranding.
Cheyenne: Does rebranding mean they're redesigning the store?
Jeff: No, we'll be taking our in-store product "Halo" and changing it to "SuperCloud."
Jonah: And how are they different?
Jeff: That, uh, what I just said. It used to be called "Halo." Now it's called "SuperCloud."
Mateo: Oh.
Jeff: Maybe I'm not, um, selling the excitement of what's happening today. Let's see if this helps.
["Get Ready for This" by 2 Unlimited plays]

Sandra: Who's that lady?
Jeff: Oh, that's Kelsey, from Cloud 9. She's the new SuperCloud mascot.
Amy: Why is a smiling white lady always the mascot? 'Cause in my experience, usually they're, like, the first to snap.
Dina: She's not wrong.
Garrett: I personally blame all the yogurt white ladies eat.

Dina: Hey, we need to talk.
Mateo: I know, right? [clears throat] What's going on, girl?
Dina: No, not a gay talk. We need to talk about who the snitch is. Now, it had to be somebody in that room, but who? Okay, it couldn't have been Ramona, her husband doesn't let her talk to other men. Wasn't Tim, his jaw's still wired shut, after talking to Ramona. I know it wasn't me. So that just leaves Justine, Elias, Sandra, you, uh...
Mateo: [gasps]
Jonah: What?
Mateo: You know how I hate to gossip, but I was out back last week, and I saw Jeff making out with... Sandra.
Dina: Sandra?
Mateo: Yeah, man on woman. It was disgusting.

Jeff: [to Jay] Somebody's actually throwing their garbage away in the trash cans that we're selling, so could you check that out in Home for me? I appreciate it. Thank you very much. Sandra.
Sandra: Hey.
Jeff: There is a puddle in the dressing room over there of I don't know what, actually. It's kind of viscous, and it has a very strong odor. Um, do you think you might be able to handle it for me?
Sandra: [laughs] [flips hair back] Oh, of course. I'll get my bucket. Boop. [boops Jeff on his nose]
Dina: Oh, my God, it's so obvious. How have I never noticed this?

Garrett: Ooh, look out, ladies. Here comes a stylish dude.
Mateo: Yeah, somehow he makes baldness look cute.
Garrett: Hey, I'm not talking about Jeff. I'm talking about the other guy.
Mateo: Yeah, obvs. I was kidding. Jeff is like the ugliest guy in the world. So busted. Like stretched-out Danny DeVito.

Jeff: Hey, sorry to interrupt, guys, but these boxes really need to be uniform. Thank you, sorry, I just gotta stay on top of them.
Dina: Yeah, I'll make sure they fix it.
Jeff: Please do. You are management, so you're most at fault here. Okay, let's head over to Sporting Goods, Rex.
Rex: Sure, yeah.
Jeff: Make sure things are in order. [both walk away]
Garrett: Ooh, that was cold.
Mateo: Um, have you decided who you're gonna take this out on later? 'Cause last week it was me...
Dina: Elias! That is not how you climb a ladder, you turd!