‘Part-Time Hires’
Season 3, Episode 3 - Aired October 12, 2017
Amy's daughter, Emma, starts a part-time job at the store. Mateo flirts with a construction worker who asks to use his employee badge. Meanwhile, Garrett and Dina bicker over who dumped the other, and Kelly struggles with her first day on the job.
Quote from Dina
Dina: You don't have any of my photos, because I don't pose for them. [laughs] You know, if I ever got kidnapped, the police would have quite a time finding a current photo to put on the news.
Quote from Jonah
Amy: She just has such an attitude since the divorce. That's why I'm making her work here. I'm hoping she gets some discipline.
Jonah: And you're not worried that if you're too hard on her, Adam gets to be the good guy?
Amy: What? No.
Jonah: It's just that when my parents separated, they both wanted to be the favorite. I came home one day and my dad had gotten me a ten-disc box set of Churchill speeches.
Amy: And that was something you wanted?
Jonah: Uh, yeah. I'm still closer with him than I am with my mom. Although that might be because he doesn't send me long, pointless texts about book club.
Quote from Amy
Amy: Yeah, see, Latino parents are different. We don't really need our kids to like us. We just break their spirit so the world doesn't.
Jonah: Huh. And why... why do you pierce your babies' ears so earl...
Amy: I am not on a panel. This is not "ask a Latina."
Jonah: Got it. I'll just find out on Reddit.
Quote from Carol
Carol: Wanna hear a secret?
Kelly: Sure.
Carol: I have a plan to get Jerry back.
Kelly: I'm sorry. I don't know who...
Carol: Sandra's boyfriend. Well, my boyfriend that she stole from me. He's in a coma, but I'm going to sneak into his hospital room when she's not there. I climb up on the bed, and oopsy! I forgot my underwear. Next thing you know, I'm pregnant with Jerry's baby. Now, stay with me, because this is where it starts to get a little dark.
Kelly: That's okay.
Carol: You don't want to hear the rest?
Kelly: No, I'm cool.
Quote from Dina
Dina: Ninja Turtles are still a thing, huh? No wonder this country's a garbage fire.
Quote from Glenn
Glenn: So without further ado, it's my great pleasure to welcome our newest part-time employee, Emma Dubanowski. [applause]
Amy: That's very nice of you and also very unnecessary. [slideshow set to Elton John's "Your Song" begins] Oh, there's more.
Glenn: 14 years ago, our Cloud 9 family got a little bigger.
All: Aww!
Jonah: Adorable.
Emma: Mom...
Amy: I don't know how he got those pictures.
Glenn: Oh, I keep a copy of all the photos employees get developed here.
Garrett: What?
Jonah: That's horrifying.
Quote from Glenn
Glenn: Anyway, over the years, we've watched Amy's daughter Emma grow. Who could forget the time that she lost a tooth right here in the store and Elias ate it 'cause he thought it was a Chiclet?
Jonah: Glenn, you're drifting.
Glenn: Oh. Okay, well, we'll finish that later. Anyway, Emma, we are so happy that you're here, and we hope you have a great first day! [applause] Emma! [employees scatter] Oh, also, starting today is Kelly Watson.
Kelly: [clears throat] Hi, everyone. I'm really excited to be here.
Quote from Mateo
Mateo: Oh, excuse me. Hi. Um... is that guy working here today? Um, I don't know his name, but he has piercing brown eyes and an amazing butt?
Construction Worker: Scott. Yeah, he's just fixing one of the coring rigs.
Mateo: Okay. Well, thank you.
Cheyenne: That's so cool. You're starting to move on from Jeff.
Mateo: Oh, I just like flirting with him. I mean, just because you're not gonna buy doesn't mean you can't check out the merchandise, right? [a customer high-fives Mateo as he holds his hand up] Ew.
Cheyenne: So are you just gonna stand there till he comes out?
Mateo: Yeah. I mean, I stand here or stand over there, what does it matter? This whole job is standing places.
Cheyenne: Okay.
Quote from Dina
Dina: Hey, listen. I know we haven't been having sex recently, so I thought I should explain what's going on.
Garrett: Dina, I'm with a customer right now.
Dina: Oh. I'm sorry. Step back, please.
Woman: Can I just put this...
Dina: Step back. There. Happy?
Garrett: Mm.
Dina: Anyway, I have been experiencing some anxiety recently, and... please don't spread this around, but I've started going to a shrink. Actually, two shrinks. One's a control. Long story short, I've been dealing with some personal crap.
Garrett: Okay. Well, um, maybe we just take a little break. Let you work on you.
Dina: Oh. Yeah, that would probably be good. At least until I get my head together. [customer drops her box] We can't take that back if it's broken.