Amy: Okay, so in the first four hours, you've managed to commit us to $37,000.
Jonah: The claims just kept coming, and, you know, it's like that opening in Star Wars where the words zoom past you. And at first it's cool, but eventually you just can't keep up.
Amy: Wait, Sandra alone has asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, sciatica, fibromyalgia, leaky gut syndrome... This just keeps going.
Jonah: We just got to keep signing people up. That's all, okay? If we get everybody in the backroom to sign up then that will pay for these people. And then we can go to other branches and then that will pay for the backroom...
Amy: [gasps] This is a pyramid scheme.

Amy: Oh, hey, what sounds more like a real charity, The Mateo Project, or the Liwanag League?
Jonah: This is crazy. We shouldn't have to invent a charity every single time an employee needs money to see a doctor. The Mateo Project.
Amy: Really? I think the Liwanag League.
Jonah: I mean, scrambling to pull money together whenever somebody gets sick? That's... That's inhuman.
Amy: Would love to get people to pony up before we get sick, but planning ahead just really isn't our style. No, you were right, Mateo Project.

Jonah: Wait, no, that's actually a really good idea. If we all contribute a little bit of money every month, we could create our own health fund.
Amy: [gasps] Oh, my God. Jonah. That's amazing.
Jonah: Right?
Amy: You just did it. You... You solved healthcare. I mean... Okay. So many brilliant minds have tried before you and they couldn't, and then here you are...
Jonah: Okay. [walks away]
Amy: Jonah the working class savant with a few business school credits. Jonah, where are you going? Together we could solve immigration.

Marcus: You know what, I'm in too. If it is a pyramid scheme, at least I will be on the top ahead of all these suckers.
Jonah: That is sound logic, Marcus.

Sandra: No. You're trying to [bleep] us.
Jonah: Whoa.
Amy: You're trying to [bleep] us. Well, you picked the wrong day to [bleep] with Sandra Kaluiokalani!
Jonah: Oh, okay, Sandra, just calm down.
Sandra: No! I won't calm down. We have a contract, and I can sue. So, figure it out! [calmly to a customer] Can I help you to your car ma'am?

Marcus: I knew it. You two are trying to rip us off. You're sitting up there in your ivory towers eating your exotic fruits with two scoops of ice cream. You're bathing in gold.
Amy: Nobody is doing any of those things.

Isaac: Well, I smell socialism, and we all know where that leads.
Garrett: High literacy rates, low infant mortality, increased quality of life, fjords.
Isaac: Uh, no, the government watching us on the toilet.

Sandra: So excited about this. I can finally get my inhaler.
Jonah: Oh. I'm glad it all worked out.
Sandra: I just couldn't put the money together before. I reduced my shifts because of Jerry, and I had to pay to put one of my cats down. She ate one of my other cats.
Jonah: Well, I don't know what to say to that, but I'm glad that it all worked out with the inhaler.
Sandra: Thanks. [hugs Jonah]

Jonah: God, it feels good to help, you know. Word must be getting around.
Amy: Yeah, you're a real saint. Hey, I'm gonna need you to clean the men's room. Someone dumped chili in the urinal.
Jonah: You know what I mean though? To like actually accomplish something, even when the haters are calling you naive.
Amy: Mm-hmm.
Jonah: I wonder if this is how Obama felt when he passed Obamacare.
Amy: A lot of people still hate Obama.

Sandra: Well, what about Marcus? He shouldn't be in Group A. His leg is messed up.
Marcus: I've got a handle on it. Okay. [rolls up pant leg] [gasps and shrieking]
Garrett: Oh, my God.
Kelly: That looks infected.
Marcus: Not a chance. Every night I soak it in my apartment complex's hot tub, and chlorine will kill anything.
Garrett: What?
Sandra: Ridiculous.