Janet: When I clean a window, I use Windex. When I clean the tiles, I use Tilex. But when I clean the floors...
[Glenn breaks through his door]
Glenn: [grunts] Janet, Sarah. [panting] Oh, um, I think a large bird may have pooped in my office wastebasket, so if someone could clean that up. [walks off]
Janet: He has lost his mind. That man [bleep] in his office.

Glenn: Hey, Janet. What's your favorite animal?
Janet: A clownfish...
Glenn: Okay.
Janet: Riding a bicycle.

Cheyenne: For each day of the week, each route has three variations one primary and two alternates based on shifts and road closures. Now, if you're that week's ride captain, it's your responsibility to delegate and sub-delegate-
Janet: I'm sorry, I don't want to carpool.
Cheyenne: Well, why wouldn't you-
Janet: My drive is my only "me time". And I don't want to clean my car.

Marcus: Unbelievable.
Janet: She cut my hours, too. So much for Jackson's STEM program.
Marcus: What's a STEM program?
Janet: I don't know. Would everyone please stop asking me that?

Janet: I'd donate myself, Mateo, but I have my own kids to buy toys for. It's not personal.
Mateo: I didn't think it was.
Janet: Okay, fine, it's a little personal.

Janet: So how many hours are we all going to lose?
Amy: Um, you know, I can't say exactly right now. I'm still working on the schedule.
Dina: We do know we'll have at least one tall and one skinny per shift. That way, we retain access to high shelves and crawl spaces.
Janet: Well, I need all the hours I can get. I just signed my son up for some STEM program I can barely afford.
Dina: STEM?
Janet: Science, technology, um, energy. I don't know. Nerd stuff. I would hate having to take that away from him. It would break his little heart.
Amy: Hmm. Yeah.
Janet: Please don't make me break his little heart.

Janet: You're giving her more hours? My son is crying in the cafe right now because he can't go to Nerd Camp.
Dina: Fine, I'll give you both more hours, okay?

Dina: Uh, excuse me? Are you pregnant or just fat?
Woman #1: Pregnant.
Dina: Okay, good. Uh, quick question, do you have any feelings of, I don't know, overwhelming panic and a desire to flee?
Woman #1: Is that your first?
Dina: Yeah. Well, technically it's not mine. It's my boss's.
Woman #1: Uh, okay. Uh, little advice. Get the C-section. With my first, I was in labor for 36 hours. Finally, I bit off part of my tongue, I passed out...
Woman #2: Sorry, didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I had a C-section. Not great. They couldn't get my uterus back in after, and they had to just keep shoving and punching it in like an overstuffed duffel.
Janet: I had to have twins. Breech birth, in the back of an Altima. Some EMT cut me from hole to hole.
Dina: Nope. Nope. Absolutely not.

Janet: If I were Corporate, I'd just say no to everything. Who are you, a couple of chumps from the town dump?

Glenn: What, don't you think it's nice that someone helped out Cheyenne?
Janet: Oh, yeah, but where's my guardian angel? I've got two kids and an underwater mortgage.
Justine: And my heat broke, so I have to stay with friends. I have lots of offers, but if anyone wants to throw their hat into the ring.
Glenn: Wow, looks like lots of folks are having a rough time, huh?
Janet: Yeah, but it figures only Cheyenne would get a care package. I bet this guardian angel is just some sort of pervert.
Glenn: What? No! I mean, unless you mean a pervert for giving.
Janet: I mean a pervert for pervin'. [Glenn gasps]
Cheyenne: Guys, I'm sure the guardian angel is gonna give everyone a care package. Otherwise, it's just unfair.