Myrtle: I want Cloud 9 to be closer to my house.

Amy: Hi, Myrtle. Look, I just... I want to say I'm sorry. I was totally out of line.
Myrtle: He was saying such filth, how much he liked my sweater.
Amy: Oh, well, is that really that bad?
Myrtle: He meant he liked what's under my sweater.
Amy: Okay, maybe, but maybe... I don't know... it is possible that you misunderstood what he said or...
Myrtle: Oh, blame the victim. She's blaming the victim!

Myrtle: This may not be politically correct... but let's just fire all the minorities.

Myrtle: This is just the beginning. What kind of job will be left for me 30 years from now? [overlapping chatter]
Garrett: Powerlifter? Zumba instructor?

Myrtle: What is he wearing? He looks like a woman.
Garrett: Bo? Bo is a woman.
Myrtle: Oh? Lesbians.
Garrett: Big-time.
Myrtle: The whole world's going gay.

Jonah: Hey, Myrtle, you've been here a long time, right?
Myrtle: Since 1987.
Jonah: Oh, yeah, so you were here, then, when Garrett first started...
Myrtle: The Cards were in the World Series. I was having an affair with Ozzie Smith. The Wizard, we used to call him.
Jonah: Wow, no kidding. So...
Myrtle: Turns out it wasn't really Ozzie. He was a waiter at Beffa's, which was a popular establishment back then.
Jonah: Beffa's? Never heard of it.
Myrtle: I once saw Al Wiman having a roast beef sandwich there. Well, he ordered it. I don't recall if he ate it.
Jonah: That's a really good story. Um, Myrtle, when...
Myrtle: Back then, people were tougher than they are now. You can't even call someone a [bleep]. Even if they're being one. [Jonah walks away] Which reminds me of a story... I once had a sister-in-law who really was [bleep], and she was adorable.

Myrtle: I once got caught trying to run a badger game in Kansas City. Ha. I had to cut my way out.

Glenn: I just don't get how murdering people is considered fun. I mean, what happened to all those innocent games? You know, like Frogger, and Qbert, and Donkey Kong.
Garrett: Innocent? Qbert is about a big-nosed, creepily little freak that commits suicide when things get hard.
Jonah: Frogger is basically a frog Holocaust.
Myrtle: I remember a glitch in the original Donkey Kong where it looks like the ape has a penis.

Glenn: Again, maybe we could have a woman's perspective?
Myrtle: In my day, we called a gal who took her top off a whore.
Glenn: There you are, the woman's perspective.

Jonah: You know, a lot of people think women make better bosses than men. It's like they say, uh... Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did but backwards and in high heels.
Myrtle: That's total crap. When did Ginger dance backwards?
Jonah: Oh, uh, it's just an expression.
Myrtle: They danced in circles or side by side.
Marcus: You're only defending her because she's a woman. That's sexism.
Amy: If she was a man, there's no way we'd be standing around talking about her appearance.
Jonah: Exactly.
Myrtle: Name one picture where Ginger Rogers was better than Rita Hayworth.
Jonah: I don't know any.
Myrtle: Ginger Rogers was nothing.
Marcus: Come on, man. Big Time. Top Hat. Swinging Down to Rio. You froze up, dude.