Jonah: Do you think they're gonna know what I am?
Amy: Oh yeah. So great, so smart.
Jonah: You know what it is, right?
Amy: Yeah, totally.
Jonah: I'm "Gerry Mander." These are all gerrymander districts.
Amy: Yeah, no. I know that. Totally. It's very intelligent.

Amy: Oh, Dr. Simms. Where are Richard and Marilyn?
Jonah: Uh, I told them I needed a new 13-pin phone charger, so that should confuse them for a little bit. Uh, look, I know this may all seem a little weird...
Amy: Insane. Cuckoo Bananas.
Jonah: Okay, uh, long story short: I dropped out of business school, my parents kept asking me what my plan was, and I didn't want to tell them I was working at Cloud 9. That's not a judgment on working here. It's just my parents have really high expectations.
Amy: That's so weird. It was my parent's dream that I would stock shelves for a living one day.
Jonah: Anyway, I told them that I was thinking about going to medical school, which I was... kind of, and then one thing led to another and now I'm doing my rotation in hematology.
Amy: And what is hematology?
Jonah: I think it's, uh... It's the study of blood or not... Mmm, not blood itself, but, like, the vessels or I don't know. I have to Google it again.

Amy: Just make sure you get the whole-
Jonah: No, I got it, I've got it. Okay, and what should it say?
Amy: Um, okay, how about "Cleanup on Aisle Yuck"?
Jonah: Eh, I just don't feel like that's MayaJade91's voice.
Amy: "MayaJade91"? What happened to "Steelersfan211"?
Jonah: Steelersfan is the one who tweeted about how gross the bathrooms were. MayaJade's a little more spiritual, more in touch with vibrations and just kind of, like, the energy surrounding things.
Amy: Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay, how about "Don't let this chaos dim your inner light, #Cloud9Fail, #BadDayToWearSandals"?
Jonah: Wow. You are really, really good at this. It's like a one-line character portrait.

Amy: Glenn and Garrett, you two are gonna be managing the haunted house in the garden center.
Garrett: Aww, man, then I won't get to hear Jonah lecture us on whatever dumb metaphor his costume's supposed to be.
Jonah: Uh, actually, I got tired of explaining my costume every year, so this year, I'm just gonna be a good old-fashioned cowboy.
Glenn: We get it. You're herding us to the polls because no one here votes.
Jonah: No, really, I'm...
Dina: Don't be stupid. He's obviously toxic American masculinity.
Jonah: Actually, I... I like that better. I'm switching to that.

Garrett: Hey, guys, Myrtle's nephew just came in and dropped off this envelope they found in her stuff, and it's addressed to "Sweet Prince Jonah" from Cloud 9.
Amy: Wow.
Jonah: And she meant me? I mean, I played a prince in Into the Woods in high school, but there's no way she could've...

Sandra: So by that logic, it wouldn't be a box of toothpicks, it would be a box of teeth-pick?
Jonah: No, no, because well... [stammers] Yeah, maybe.

Amy: I don't know. I- I don't know how to brag about myself. It feels gross, and now I'm supposed to take a charity and make it all about me.
Jonah: Hey, you took their empty slogan and did something actually great with it. You deserve to brag a little bit. I think you should be on all the websites. I mean, except for the incel ones. And most of Reddit. 4chan, 8chan... I hope you're never on a website.

Jonah: Oh, actually, I was kind of hoping to prep for my interview a little bit more. It's kind of my deep, dark secret, but I've never stayed awake through An Inconvenient Truth, so I gotta go watch that.

Reporter: This is the first time multiple feet have been delivered at once. Do you believe this is some sort of gruesome final event?
Jonah: I don't know why you think I would have anything useful to say on that front, um, but you know what's never final? Any purchase that you make here. Let me... Let me tell you about our return policy.
Reporter: So you're not concerned this is hurting business? I might think twice about shopping at this store.
Jonah: Okay, yeah, a lot of feet turn up here. I'm sorry we're not literally perfect, Natalie.
Garrett: [watching on TV] Yikes.
Jonah: We just... We... We keep trying to show everybody that we're the perfect store, and the truth is we're not. Okay? We're... We're just us, but we're here every single day. When it rains, when it snows, when it... when it tornadoes, when there's a plague and you're all safe at home, except for when you come here to cough, we're here just... just trying to get you what you need, and... and all we want is to keep doing that.
Reporter: Emotions running high here, preventing people from staying on topic. Back to you, Skip.

Jonah: This is not a democracy. It's mob rule.
Glenn: What's the difference?
Jonah: Um... uh, wow, that's a really interesting thought.