Kelly Quotes Page 1 of 6    

Quote from Golden Globes Party

Kelly: Ugh, I'm overdressed. I thought going to a Golden Globes party was like, you dress for the Golden Globes.
Jonah: I think you look nice.
Kelly: I'm just nervous, you know? I mean, I feel like I'm still not part of the group.
Jonah: No, no, you're part of the group. It's like if this was the Scooby Doo gang, you would be Scrappy Doo... a late addition, but everybody loved him.
Kelly: Everyone hated Scrappy Doo. He only got to hang out with them because he was related to Scooby.


Quote from Town Hall

Carol: Jonah's a jerk, by the way. You deserve so much better.
Kelly: Thanks. I appreciate that.
Carol: So what are we going to do to him? Revenge porn on the Internet? Give his credit card info to a bum?
Kelly: Or... maybe someone tells the cops he's cooking meth. Then, uh-oh, there's an ounce of it found in his sock drawer. How'd that get there?
Carol: Wow, that's aggressive.
Kelly: Or he's got two brothers. [pushes cart towards Carol] Be a shame if something happened to them. Then he'd be all alone.
Carol: Well... I'm just going to go...
Kelly: Well let me know, Carol. I've got nothing to lose anymore. [Carol backs away]

Quote from Golden Globes Party

Jonah: Uh, it was from before you started. It was this guy that used to come in all the time.
Kelly: And... and he liked mustard?
Dina: "And he liked mustard?" Are you making fun of us?
Kelly: Oh, no.
Jonah: No, he was just, like, um, this, like, old, fancy guy. You know, like from the Grey Poupon commercials.
Garrett: [snooty British voice] Uh, pardon me, but do you have any bags of mulch?
Jonah: He sounded exactly like that.
Kelly: I don't think I've seen that commercial.
Jonah: Yeah, yeah, you have. It's from the '90s. The Grey Poupon commercial.
Kelly: Mm-mm.
Dina: How have you never seen the Grey Poupon commercial?
Kelly: I don't know. But it sounds funny. [laughs awkwardly]
Dina: It wasn't. It wasn't.

Quote from Golden Globes Party

Kelly: So it took all three frogs to say "Budweiser"?
Dina: The sounds they made together was "Budweiser." It wasn't that they were saying it. Those were just the sounds that they made as frogs. I-I don't know how to explain any more, okay? But people in America thought it was pretty darn impressive, so...
Jonah: It was, like, a really big commercial.
Mateo: Is this like a Mannequin situation?

Quote from Golden Globes Party

Jonah: Hey, guys, Kelly knows a game that she can teach everybody. What we played at your sister's.
Kelly: Oh, yeah. Okay. All right, so the game is called Answers. And you can only ask questions, or you can only reply with questions. Now, if you answer a question or you question an answer, then you lose points. And you can only make it to the next round once everybody has put in their bid or an overture...
Jonah: You know what? Actually, we could just maybe start playing the game, and everybody will get it as we go.
Mateo: I'm already annoyed. Is that part of the game?
Kelly: Two points! [chuckles]

Quote from Groundhog Dad

Kelly: [over PA] Cloud 9's new bath towels are extra fluffy and made from recycled other towels. And here to talk to us about them is famous actor, Al Pacino. How's Hollywood, Al?
Jonah: [normal voice] Oh, uh, these towels are great. Hoo-ah.
Kelly: Are you okay?
Jonah: Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm just, I'm not really feeling it, so...
Kelly: Oh, okay. [gravely voice] If you like towels, then, uh, this is The Godfather of towels. You can use them to clean up your Scarface.
Jonah: That is not good.
Kelly: [gravely voice] These towels are 40% off.
Jonah: No... I mean... [as Al Pacino] These towels are 40% off. And even if it's not a question, you gotta end up here. But then you're down, then you're down here. Because when you were younger, when you were in Serpico... [Kelly laughs] Hoo-ah, I'm just getting warmed up.
Kelly: Al Pacino, everyone. He's back.

Quote from Safety Training

Kelly: Oh, I just... I'm getting in my head, then. Sometimes I do that thing where I act like every mistake in the world is my fault.
Amy: Yeah, except for this time, you wouldn't really be that far off.
Kelly: [laughs] Although it's like, I didn't make you crash the scissor lift.
Amy: No, no.
Kelly: Uh-uh.
Amy: But technically, I wouldn't have been on the scissor lift if you hadn't messed up the signs.
Kelly: I know, and then it's like, technically, I wouldn't have even been hanging the signs at all if Saint Patrick hadn't driven the snakes out of Ireland, so... How far back do we go?
Amy: Um... probably somewhere between the fifth century and this morning, I'm guessing.

Quote from The Trough

Mateo: Okay. You guys will be working together. Isn't that funny? The two of you, who used to date, and live together. Life is so random.
Jonah: I don't know what this is, but I'm sorry.
Kelly: Am I dead? Is that why I keep ending up here?

Quote from The Trough

Jonah: Just so you know, I had no part in this. Everybody thinks I'm still hung up on Amy.
Kelly: Oh, no, thank you.
Jonah: What?
Kelly: I'm done getting tangled in the crazy of you people. So I'm keeping my head down and getting through this shift because I am saving for a Roomba.
Jonah: That's fair, but you should know...
Kelly: Oh, no, no. No, thank you.

Quote from Sal's Dead

Kelly: Is this some kind of prank? Like, like, what? "Humiliate the new girl?"
Jonah: How could I humiliate you? I barely talk to you.
Amy: Hey, guys. Why don't we take a breath? You know what, Kelly, I feel like I cut your break short. Maybe you should go have another bowl of ramen, my treat.
Kelly: No, no, no, no. This guy's playing mind games with me all day.
Jonah: I would never do that. I'm an ally.
Kelly: Then explain all those texts!
Jonah: I never texted you.
Kelly: Stop lying! [grabs a knife]
All: Whoa!

Next Page