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Season 3, Episode 16 -  Aired March 22, 2018

Glenn fears that Jeff is going to poach Cloud 9 employees after he announces he's got a job at Target. Meanwhile, Amy goes on a double date with Dina, and Jonah and Kelly search for an apartment together.

Quote from Sandra

Sandra: [to Jeff] Even though we never actually dated, I spent several months telling people we did. And I created these intricate memories of our relationship that feel completely real. And I have these vivid memories of your body on top of me. Your tongue in my mouth. Your hands on my breasts. That kind of thing.
Glenn: Whoo, what a trip down memory lane, huh?


Quote from Jonah

Kelly: It's newly renovated, but it still has its original molding, and it's in walking distance to the farmer's market.
Garrett: That place looks great. You should take it.
Jonah: It just feels a little small, or claustrophobic, or something.
Kelly: Well, I mean, we're not going to find something perfect. I mean, you said the last one was too loud. The one before that was on a slant, and the one before that had a weird curry smell.
Jonah: And I actually like curry, but that was a bad curry. And the scary part is, like, what's it covering? What aren't you smelling?
Garrett: Just think. You'll get to wake up to stuff like that every day.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: I can't believe Jeff is going to Target.
Mateo: So what if Jeff works to Target? What is the big deal?
Glenn: Jeff has seen Cloud 9 from the inside. He knows all our secrets. It's like in football, when they trade a player to another team, and then that player knows how to beat his old team.
Amy: Yeah, but don't they do that all the time in football? Like, isn't that like, a thing?
Glenn: Amy, don't talk sports. You're embarrassing yourself.

Quote from Glenn

Glenn: [on the phone] Oh, oh, hi, yeah, um, I want to buy a dog with a birthmark around its eye, but in the shape of a blue cloud. Well, your website says you have all breeds. Well, that's misleading, don't you think? Well, I do! [hangs up] Sorry, dealing with some false advertising there.

Quote from Justine

Glenn: No one wants to join you! We're loyal to Cloud 9 here. Nobody likes Target.
Sandra: I love Target.
Justine: I like to call it "Tarzhay," like it's fancy.

Quote from Dina

Jeff: [clears throat] Um... Thank you all very much for this going away party. It's very unnecessary, and a little awkward.
Mateo: I'd just like to propose a toast to my man.
Amy: I'm sorry, did you bring champagne for one person?
Mateo: In a way, this is a celebration of us reuniting.
Dina: No, no, I am celebrating never having to work with Jeff again. Not you two reuniting. Frankly, think this is a mismatch.
Jeff: I'll miss your candor, Dina.

Quote from Jonah

Glenn: Hey, why don't we all go around and tell our favorite Jeff story? Okay, I want to go first. Jeff, I remember once, you brought a ham sandwich, and I was like, typical Jeff.
Jonah: I remember when we bonded over having seen The Danish Girl.
Jeff: I've never seen The Danish Girl.
Jonah: That wasn't... Oh. That was- That was Dale. I'm sorry.

Quote from Dina

Dina: Okay, you remember the guy from the pet store?
Amy: Uh, no.
Dina: You remember. The guy from the pet store.
Amy: Oh, yeah, continue.
Dina: We're meeting for lunch today, and he's bringing a friend.
Amy: Oh, oh, oh, you mean, for me? No, no, no. No, no.
Dina: Ah, come on, I really like this guy. He makes me feel like... Have you ever fired a gun into the sky?
Amy: Well I mean, I guess if you really...
Dina: I've already told him how desperate you are, and he says his friend is fine with it.
Amy: How nice. Um, you know what, Dina, actually, I think I'm going to pass. I made myself a PB&J for lunch that I have been looking forward to all morning. So maybe next time, if there's, you know... [stammers] [walks off]

Quote from Glenn

Garrett: Look, I need to talk to you. Uh, my living expenses are about to go up now that Jonah's moving out.
Glenn: Okay.
Garrett: And um, well, I've been working here for a while, and I'm a hard worker. Er, I'm a worker.
Glenn: Garrett, I'm sorry, I can't deal with this right now. I am in the dance off of my life with Target. Sorry.
Garrett: Hmm. Uh, well, you know, Jeff offered me a job at Target for a dollar more an hour.
Glenn: He what?
Garrett: But you don't have to worry about it. Because I told him that you would probably match it.
Glenn: That bald little weasel!
Garrett: What?
Glenn: What are you, wait, whoa, wait, hold on. Not enough that he's trying to steal our secrets. But then he comes after my second coolest employee? Oh, I don't think so.
Garrett: You don't need to do... Who's the first coolest employee?
Glenn: [on the phone] Oh, hi Jeff, it's Glenn Sturgis from Cloud 9. We need to talk face to face, at your earliest convenience. Okay, bye-bye. [hangs up] He doesn't know who he's dealing with. [drinks from cup]
Garrett: Oh.
Glenn: Pistachio shells.

Quote from Garrett

Garrett: Hey, Jeff, the man in red! What are you doing here?
Jeff: Uh, I got a meeting with Glenn.
Garrett: Oh, okay, okay. Well hold up, man. Jeez, it has been forever since we had a chat.
Jeff: Yes.
Garrett: You watch the show last night?
Jeff: Uh, what show?
Garrett: I don't know, any of them. I like them all. Hey, you like chicken wings, right?
Jeff: Not really.
Garrett: Well, that's great. Because I'm going to take you to lunch to a place that does not sell them. Let's go.
Jeff: I cannot do that now, but thank you for the invite. Do me a favor, just text me the name of the restaurant. I'm always looking for a new spot.
Garrett: Okay, well hey, don't worry about what Glenn says. 'Cause, you know, typical Glenn. [chuckles]

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